babbling of a repressed deviAnt

survey for single peeps...

2008-07-13T11:42:00.000+08:00

1. Bakit ka pa single hanggang ngayon?
- dahil... kelangan bang may dahilan? maybe because i forgot how to really FALL... in love.

2. Nainlove ka na ba sa taong hindi mo pa nakikita?
- hindi pa naman...

3. Nagkakacrush ka naman ba?
- ÜÜ

4. Mga friends mo rin ba single?
- yung iba

5. Describe being single in 3 words:
- carefree, open, wondering

6. Choose: steady bf/gf, mu, flirting?
- steady naman... pero, for the moment, parang i want to try flirting :))

7. What do you do when you’re bored?
- watch TV, listen to chillout sounds, sleep, study (oo... work-related matters)

8. Tingin mo when ka ulit magiging in love?
- actually, i'm 'in-love' every now and then... un nga, i forgot how to really fall and commit :-(

9. Message to the other singles?
- don't wait for chances... take them (nabasa ko sa isang shop sa sm megamall kahapon)

10. May namimiss ka ba sa pagkaroon ng bf/gf?
- hay... oo.

11. Ready ka na bang magmahal ulit?
- siguro...

12. Sino naman sa tingin mo?
- sino nga ba?

13. Meron ka bang crush or minamahal ngaun?
- crush na minamahal ;))

14. Paano ka ba magmahal?
- pano nga ba? maybe you have to experience it para malaman ;))

15. Sweet ka ba?
- when i have someone by my side (wee :)) )

16. Sa friends list mo, sa tingin mo ba may mamahalin ka sa kanila?
- actually...

17. Sino naman?
-

18. Sa tingin mo ba may nagkaka-crush sayo na taga FS mo?
- wehehehe. wala.

19. Kung may magsabi sayo na crush ka niya, ano sasabihin mo?
- mapapangiti, tapos "ang funny mo talaga!" (baka sapakin ako).
but seriously, i'll thank the person.

20. Magtatampo ka ba or magagalit kapag hindi ka niya tinext or tinawagan the whole day?
- may karapatan ba ako?

21. What will you do pag brineak ka ng bf/gf mo or pinagpalit ka sa iba?
- ewan... depende siguro sa reason. but definitely, i'll feel down.

22. Naghahanap ka ba ng sobrang ganda/gwapo na bf/gf?
- nope. it'll also wear out...

23. Gusto mo ba mayaman?
- pwede... but it's not on my list

23. Two-timer ka ba?
- isa lang ang puso ko.

24. Nag-eexpect ka ba na babasahin 'to ng crush o type mo?
- hindi.

25. Nainlove ka na ba sa attitude lang?
- humahanga

26. Madami na bang nanloko sayo?
- ala. tsaka... ba't ako magpapaloko, especially about love?

27. Mahilig ka ba sa singkit?
- hmmm... not much. pero interesting ung features nila ;))

28. Define love in one word:
- enduring

29. Last question: pag nagka-bf/gf ka ba this time, do you think na kayo na till the END?
- oo

ang pighati ng nawalan ng cellphone... :((

2008-06-08T17:09:00.000+08:00

sa 'di inaasahang pagkakataon... nawala ang pinakamamahal kong phone.

kahit pobreng 1110 lang yun, na pag inilalabas ko ay mukhang nalipasan na ng mga vga, mp3, wap-enabled, dual-sim, at 3g phones, keri lang kasi dahil sa kanya, nagagawa kong makipagtalastasan sa mga minamahal, minahal, mamahalin.. kaibigan, kaklase, kakilala sa kung saan, at kung sinu-sino pa... dahil wala na siya, mami-miss ko kayo... nami-miss ko na siya...

'di ko man lang siya nabigyan ng pangalan... hay...

kaya... ang talang ito ay inaalay ko sa alaala ng nawala (ngunit umaasa pa 'ring masumpungan) na cellphone ko... si yumi.

kung saka-sakaling kinontak kayo ng cellphone ko, tanong 'nyo naman kung nasaan siya, para magkasama na muli kami.

on a serious note...

peeps...
for the moment, you may contact through:

this multiply account;

my friendster account (http://www.friendster.com/jadedjayson);

and

YM (myxtix21/wyndercroft_0).

for urgent matters, you may contact me at office:

Jayson Ray "Jay-R" Pascua

Travel Coordinator

Rajah Travel Corporation

3rd Floor, Gercon Plaza, Makati Ave., Makati City

Tel: 894-0886 loc. 1321

(hehe, nag-plug na ng business contact.)

if you need help po regarding outbound/domestic travel, processing of travel documents (passport, visa), and if you would want to inquire about a certain tour package, don't hesitate to contact me.

thanks!

all in a day's work

2008-06-01T18:52:00.000+08:00

it had been a month...

ang bilis. pakiramdam ko parang last week lang ako nagsimula... hay...

naka-sahod na ako... parang wala lang. ganun pala pag pinag-trabahuhan mo yung pera mo. nagiging mas kuripot ka, mas masinop sa mga gastusin.

wala nang mahahabang bakasyon. walang x'mas at summer break. pag holidays at weekends na lang. sa ngayon, imbes na lumabas, babawi na lang sa pahinga sa maga araw n yun.

isang buwan. marami pang susunod na isang buwan. tapos maiisip ko... parang araw lang ang mga buwan (ano?!... hehe.)

hay, eto muna sa ngayon... pag may gana na ulit ako... yun.

maaga pa kasi ako bukas. pasukan na sa eskwela. malamang hebigat na naman ang trapik... lalo na sa C5... dahil sa p*steng U-turn na yan... sana flyover na lang yung ginawa nila... hay...

mahal kita...

2008-04-25T02:58:00.000+08:00

bakit ba? hehe.

chorvang post...

kelan... kelan ko kaya muling sasambitin?

hay...

grad na bukas!

bolinao...

2008-04-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

ang layo pala...

masaya...

hay...

"when a girl changes
from body socks to stockings...
then she is ready
to give her heart away..." - from an old ballad

frustrated

2008-03-29T15:55:00.000+08:00

sad...

haven't joined the sem ender...

so i cooked...

to ease my frustration...

carbonara...

pero...

palpak yung sauce...

nasobrahan ng itlog...

ayun, namuo...

'eatable' naman...

hay...

one should have happy thoughts whill cooking...

patikim... masarap na restaurant!

2008-03-25T22:59:00.000+08:00

patikim sa next post....

********************************************************************************************

got this e-mail, monday, march 26, 2006

which i received from laren... from martin... and so on....

copied the content verbatim...

DISCLAMER: this post might be offensive to YOU! the post contains texts and visual of relatively "obscene" nature. the article has been posted without malice... just for laugh. the blogger does not, in any way, confirm or refute the existence of the said establishment, as some affirmative remarks had been included in the source e-mail. requests for a copy of the source e-mail would be enthusiastically entertained by the blogger...

tama na! um-order na kayo! =))

~~~@@@~~~@@@~~~@@@~~~@@@~~~@@@~~~@@@~~~@@@~~~@@@~~~

CREATIVE PINOY MEALS

humahabol

2008-03-25T21:46:00.000+08:00

hay... [na naman]

naghahabol ata ako sa multiply.

maya't maya may bagong pics.

konting type sa blog dito.

post ng comment doon.

hmm... ['yoko na ng hay]

siguro dahil nagsawa na akong mag-chat.

siguro.

bakit?

2008-03-12T03:56:00.000+08:00

bakit ako naapektuhan? dapat hindi. pero oo. babalik ako... sasagutin ko ang mga sinabi mo... akala ko OK ka... aalamin ko pa lang pala...

pagbalik ko sa chatroom... makikita mo.

ayoko na

2008-03-09T16:32:00.000+08:00

ayoko lang... bakit ba?!

bangag eh...

hay, haba pala ng last post ko... grabe, napagod utak ko dun...

hay... wala pa ring kwenta blog ko...

nasa multiply na, wala pa rin atang nagbabasa...

pano pa kaya yung comment... wala ngang dumadaan...

hay...

ang blog na ako lang...

blog ko, gawa ko, para sa'kin... hay...

self-pity...

orgasmic experience (itsnotwatchatink!)

2008-03-06T18:04:00.000+08:00

06 march 2008.

another memorable and fulfilling morning of my relatively simplistic, fleeting existence.

i am so full. i feel so full of inspiring "crap" that i have written this right after we've left his overwhelming solace... in PH 216-218.

this feeling. this height (or depth) of consciousness. this... ecstasy. so powerful that it penetrates the deepest realms of my mind and being... this... much much more than the high i feel after watching a movie.

my thanks to the STS group project, i had this utterly spine-tingling sensation... wanting to curl myself on the floor, close my eyes, and ravish the sensation... and yes, i feel like dying...

this morning, there he was, the cause of this, of my ecstasy. jerry araos. the artist. the Uber artist. the most interesting, interactive artist i've ever met. the conversation, his stories, his sharing of himself to us... to me... so immense. full of meat. of thought, about life, art, dying...

forgive me for being "poetic" (duh?) but oh...
ahmmm...
as the cliche goes, language couldn't express this feeling...
the experience. just experience it for yourself.
oh but how?
again, i feel the shivers through my body. tingling on my spine. the numbness... oh...

jerry araos... artist. never sells his artworks. only lends it. because according to him...
"art for sale is prostitution"

that being an artist requires a different level of intelligence.
he told a story about the rhode island school of art, the "most expensive" art school in the world...
applicants are accepted only if there are "A" students. else, they suggest them to become doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc.
because such courses have something you could refer to... medical books, civil codes, building codes...
that to become such, you only need to pass board exams, bar exams, competency exams... exams... exams...

but an artist... yes, an artist, a true artist, must be able to think beyond...
beyond the "here and now"
not just out of the box.
as he put it, we are using only 5% of our brain. that is the here and now. for if we use more, we'll be haggards, stressed, [will need stresstabs..]...
to go beyond, we must use the other 5 percents of our brain... to do so... we must die...
die with our present 5%, to use the other 5 percents...
then we think beyond... die a little... and go great lengths...

for art conceives... and science implements.

he told how da vinci conceived the design of the bicycle... despite the lack of technology to produce it...
and technology caught up later, and now we have these 2-wheeled contraptions...
art conceives. science implements.

a plain, conventional table. that's it. no surprise. that's what we call vision speed, he says.
by making something else on a table... curved ends, holes along the sides, protruding spokes... the vision speed is broken, interrupted.

you then ask... why? why such?
he didn't just put the oddities there just because he wanted to...it had something to do with art and its interactivity...
why? he explains...

when you ask a question,
you start to care,
when you care,
you start to relate...
[which is the essence of our humanity].

and i am amused. dazed.

his chairs, oh... his chairs... same with his other wooden sculptures, were made using recycled wood. his chairs... made to comfort our sorry asses (uhm...) from the conventional seats that ruin our body, our posture.
his chairs were designed for the asian people... unlike the common american/european tools that we unknowingly sit upon. his knowledge of the "proper" way to sit defies the basic concepts of ergonomics... that he applies ergonomics in a "different" perspective, a perspective that seems to me is of art and of sense.
he has chairs
for social drinking.
for thinking
for everything...
he even got a chair made by his female student... chair that surely serves its purpose well...
of pleasuring a woman... making a woman capable of fondling herself, ravishing her body...
"parausan," that's how it's called...

the national museum. for someone to have an exhibit in the museum, one has to satisfy 2 criteria:
the person has to be very famous.
the person has to be 'very' dead.
but on the celebration of its centenary... they decided to hold one featuring a living artist, still maintaining the first criterion.
and there was this shortlist... the sculptor napoleon abueva, this famous painter (i forgot the name), and this "gagong" artist.
napaleon was crossed out because he submits his works late and they're a bit commercialized. the other one was crossed out too bacause they've seen painying as a "thin" art, only cognitive. so all that's left was the "gagong" artist, and that "gago" was he. (haha)

wittingly, as he said, out of humility... he owns the most beautiful artist's garden in the world, for it won the prize in a world art competition which name i forgot... (huhu...).

it was a scuplture competition. and yet he presented a garden as an entry. he coined it "a sculpture as a garden."
while other entries were monuments, his was a garden...

and the judges... the judges... prominent people from renowned art museums... head, directors of such...
and they asked him...
"why a garden?"

and he replied...
"this is sculpture as a garden.
while a monument is vertical, mine is horizontal.
a monument is a landmark, a garden is a destination.
the monument's audience is a spectator, but the garden makes them participants.
the monument evokes a sense of being; the garden, a sense of becoming."

[nosebleed muna... brainbleed na rin}

and he won.
and he "humbly" told it. (haha)

and i am, along with my groupmates, are so flattered that he invited us to visit his garden... for free!
imagine, every year, he receives about 25,000 applications to visit his garden...
he allows only 200.
this year, he had already accomodated 16 (or 60), cooked for them... for a fee of Php1500/person.
us... a visit, plus a complementary dish he'll personally cook for us... he said he's a good cook, no. a great cook. we asked if what's his specialty. he replied, "it's like asking me who's my favorite child is..."
enough said. *wink* *wink*

so...
i am still high...
like lots of serotonin and adrelaine circulate in my body...
such feeling...

like i had an orgasm (oh!)... but an intellectual...

no, maybe something more...

yes, a spiritual orgasm.

*shivers* *devilish smile* *eyes rolling up*

PS.

please do "google" him on the web... jerusalino "jerry" araos... and please, if you can, read his critically-acclaimed (yes, it IS) book, "The Garden of Two Dragons Fucking" [yes... i know... and don't judge it by its title *wink*]... will do a follow-up post about the book... 'coz he gave us a copy AND money for us to reproduce it *wink* *wink*

hi

2008-03-05T02:49:00.000+08:00

first impressions and sex appeal

2008-03-01T02:02:00.000+08:00

yesterday, while me and my partner was finishing the chapter 5 of our thesis... i chanced to browse upon the pages of an oddly-lying book on the table, misplaced from the hallowed shelf space it belongs by an unmindful person who i don't care to imagine about...

a paragraph from the last chapter of part 3, which talks about sex appeal... okay.. i get it... something must be going on in your head... why sex appeal? darn. just read.

"sexuality is about responsiveness. it is showing people, however subtly, that you find them attractive or interesting. this is the essence of flirting. even if people don't reciprocate your interest, you will likely make them feel good about themselves and thus feel good about you. when you show this attention, it doesn't have to suggest that you intend to go any further, and it doesn't have to suggest real sexual or romantic interest. it can be a way of creating a momentary world of 'you and me' " (Demarais & White. (2005). First impressions: What you don't know about how others see you. London: Hodder & Stoughton).

so? therefore, as the paragraph suggests, being "sexual," if asserted in an appropriate context, is helpful in making the most out of first impressions... hmmm... sounds easy... but... at least for me, knowing my personality, this is such a heart-thumpin' move i might not pull off... maybe if i'm somewhere, being someone... with strangers... maybe... maybe...

hay... exploring the possibilities of having an alter ego. actually...

high up below...

2008-02-23T22:26:00.000+08:00

i am on a high... on a high... there's nothing more to it (yeah)...

.. the sea and the sky and the blue that runs through it (yeah)...

watched GATTACA (starring ethan hawke and uma thurman) earlier, around 10pm till 'round 12am... and i became high... still feeling high that i am posting something in my "whatever... forsaken" blog of my creation... i hope i can make sense of my euphoric state, or whatever state i may be in at the moment...

i just observed... that everytime i watch a movie, especially when alone, i get high... i dunno, weird, maybe wonderful. as i stare at the closing credits... the essence of the movie sinks into me, into the depths of my subtle mind, deep into the pockets of my collective memory, concscious, unconscious, id, ego, superego... as if the movie is playing inside my brain, staring at me in my eyes, as if hallucinating; a moment engulfed in the essence's awakening embrace.

resurrected. yes, resurrected from the barren death of my routines; endless repetitions. my thoughts wander through what i have seen and absorbed... the scenes, as i mingle with the events, explore the setting, meet the characters... and become one. or maybe be the one watching them from above.

gattaca. a place where the elite work and gather, where only those 'valid' could access its hallowed premises, those who have been genetically-modified to become 'superior' beings: better physical endurance, higher IQ, to name some. they become immune to crimes, granted limitless freedom, almost untouched by law, and sent on space missions of a nature i don't know.

and the in-valid. those of 'normal', conventional conception, of which come along limitations and defects... 'normal' levels of heart rate, endurance and whatever, congenital defects, and others... they serve the elite, the valid...

valids are destined to greatness. in-valids aren't. they serve them, live a slavic life, attend to some valids' whimsical needs...

and he... vincent... an in-valid... desired to become valid more than anything else.

and he did... just to reach the stars... and vincent became jerome.. and reached them.

"every single atom in our body has come from the stars... we're not leaving (earth), we're coming home to the stars..."

am still high. still high... maybe with jerome, coming home...

i like this state. as as lull to myself to sleep... the movie will run through, taking me away... imagining, no, embracing the alternate reality... living it, realizing myself in it... a self so different, so... liberated. far from the clutches that keep me still on the ground, keeping me away from the vast ocean of sky, from the depths of my eyes.

i am.

the chatter and his V-day

2008-02-14T20:54:00.000+08:00

happy heart's day to all (belated, technically).

whew... such a day...

all black. the shoes. the socks. the slacks. the sling bag. the folded-up long sleeves. the hair. black looks good. black means no dandruff. clear... has zinc vitanol...

my name is ray (jayson ray) <<>>

hay, ewan!

why black? wala lang. naisip ko lang last week n i want to wear black sa valentine's. take note, 'di ko naisip si piolo... wala lang talaga. feel ko lang mag-itim. care nyo??? ay, ang sungit.... bitter lang siguro... wahaha! (pero interested akong pumunta sa CLEAR Black Valentine Party nila sa The Fort ngayong sabado... andun kasi si Moony! oh my gosh! i feel like partying... pero hindi. alang pera. huhu).

tapos napag-usapan sa org (go eCOTOUR!) na mag-iitim ang mga 'single' members, wala lang, chorvah lang... single's awareness day daw (?). hehe.

kaya ayun, all black ako. at napansin kahit ayoko... hay... hindi siya nag-itim (huh?). basta. sa'kin na lang yun.

so there, despite the brain-wrecking exams and a quiz, i managed to pass through the day wearing my all black attire (save for the blue pen, blue folder and orange handkerchief). i brought my digicam to capture some of my 'black' moments (see related photo album), myself and with other 'balck' people...

whew... just... just felt confused again today... especially in the afternoon, where i was... darn... so ewan... so aloof? no. it was just... well, some matters of the heart i'm shy to admit and do... just... just sensing... maybe not just now... argh! just don't mind.

***

and what about chatting?

in continuation, well... i've chatted with quite a few sensible ones that were open with what they have in life (just not sure if they were all true, but my heart says that i should believe them). a busy school girl, a 25-year old graduate bumming around, pinay from japan, pinoy from dubai, fil-am from new york, a pretty teen mom, a 3rd year UP diliman ChE student, a gay in love, and other bunch of interesting people.

different stories. different personalities. no holding back. truth is relative. privacy is everything.

j@yson: care to chat?

more... soon.

chatting up late...

2008-02-02T21:56:00.000+08:00

why oh why??? such an interesting activty is discovered so late by this quirky boy...

countless rooms, nonsense talk, pissing people, pissed people, interesting, naughty, nuances, pretty, everything... all these in exchange of staying up late 'till the early morn. damn... i'm getting hooked up.

why?

to be continued...

prayers

2007-12-19T08:50:00.000+08:00

ecotour's christmas party last night was.... (tinatamad na ako magtype)

***

i was bothered. maybe still bothered. i dunno. prayer. maybe i just lost my sense of sensitivity or consideration last night... damn.

***

merry christmas!

A Fisherman Story (from the Internet)

2007-11-02T13:55:00.000+08:00

An American businessman was at the pier of a small, coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boatwere several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.”

The American then asked, “Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?” The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.The American then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children,take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, señor.”

The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery.You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You could leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City where you would run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But señor,how long will this all take?”

“15-20 years,” was the reply.

“But what then, señor?”

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions.”

“Millions, señor? Then what?”

Triumphantly, the American replied, “Then you would retire! You’d move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late,fish a little, play with your grand kids, take siesta with your wife, and stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine andplay your guitar with your amigos.”

cuteness...

2007-10-14T20:23:00.000+08:00

at last, i discovered her name...
it's STEF.

i saw her sometime this August in ABS-CBN's noontime TV show, "Wowowee."
damn, i was put in daze by this beauty...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCQAjHlbGlE

hay... nakakatunaw ang ngiti niya... hmpf...
wish i could watch Wowowee more often... and get a glimpse of her ;)

just... a little bit...

2007-10-11T23:42:00.000+08:00

just woke up late this morning (around 8 o'clock i guess)...
just watched TV immediately after waking up...
just ate dead cold pancit malabon from the ref...
just turned on my PC and started tattering the keyboard...
just turned it off before fixing myself...
just fixed myself up and left home...
just went through the thoroughfares to get myself to Pasig Greenland...
just walked through that subdivision wondering where the hell is Earth... street...
just realized i'm lost, so i asked the guard on duty, "Manong, saan po yung Earth?"...
just found Earth! then i went to no. 21 with the navy blue gate.
just attended the semplanning for the UP Club for the Environment and Tourism (whoa!)...
just UP Club Ecotour for short...
just lied being full while asked if i had taken lunch...
just did that because i have no appetite (despite the sumptuous aroma of their KFC lunch)...
just listened to the semplanning, budging in a few times...
just cooked something earlier for the semplanning (ginataang monggo)...
just got a towel moist with my perspiration while cooking...
just served the hot porridge i made...
just finished the semplanning, and almost went home, when they...
just tugged me to go with them to tiendesitas...
just shook off their invitation, but they...
just kept on prodding me... and i...
just kept on refusing...
just as they crossed the road to get a cab, i...
just stood on the other side, having second thoughts...
just walked by to follow them...
just got in a cab...
just to go to tiendesitas...
just got off in between Hypermart and Tiende...
just to wonder around looking for my other peers...
just walked around for a while...
just to see them appear somewhere...
just went with them, wherever they went...
just browsed the items sold and wished i had extra money...
just got lost (again), losing track of my peers...
just got found, and walked with them again...

just too tired remembering today...

just to cut short... we...
just went home after that... and i
just would want to finish this post.

(
P.S.
just got a text...
others didn't went straight home...
just visited eastwood for
just a while. :<
)

message from heaven

2007-09-21T19:42:00.000+08:00

i have been awakened....

by Og [Mandino].

If you're into reading, you might want to try his anecdote/inspirational book, The Greatest Miracle on Earth. May "The God Memorandum" energize your spirit, and eventually your life.

For the next hundred days... I hope to bring myself out of the state of "living death"...

dysfunctional paranoid

2007-01-03T15:24:00.000+08:00

feels like...
thinks like...
acts like...

what a waste of TIME.

a state of ineffectiveness.

d
i
s
o
r
i
e
n
t
e
d
.

x'mas 2006 wish list

2006-12-19T16:01:00.000+08:00

hey now now... pasko na naman! regaluhan na naman and everything!!! hay... masaya nga, pero in the back of my mind, may nage-echo.... (g-a-s-t-o-s-!) yikes!

o, bago pa ako matorete sa kung anu-ano, eto na ang listahan!

1) crocs - parang may fetish na nga ako for this... kaya lang ang mahal, mga P 1620 lang naman.

2) laptop - to have the tech mobility i want (ching!)

3) digicam - to satisfy my hunger for pictures (ek-ek)

4) usb flash - 'coz i'm still stuck in using diskettes. e ang la-laki ba naman ng files na kelangang i-store e... nahihiya na rin akong mang-hiram, tsaka abala din kasi win98 lang OS ko sa pc, so i have to download usb drivers pa...

5) computer upgrade - para ma-solve na ang problem ko sa usb's at gumanda ang look ng presentations (karir!)

6) game console - xbox 360 or playstation 3 pwede na (?). medyo na bo-bore na ako sa atari namin (oo, atari. operational pa siya. kelangan mo munang painitin para umayos ang graphics, parang kotse. hehe. magkano na kayo ito pag ibebenta? e may bibili kaya?)

7) naruto and one piece - yung lahat ng episodes, lahat ng seasons, pati movies kung meron. nakakabitin kasing panoorin sa tv.

hayan... mga simpleng hiling lang naman... 'di naman ako nag-eexpect. kung me matupad man, salamat. kung tutuusin, mga wants lang ang laman ng listahan (pwera sa usb, kelangan ko na talaga yun!).

tandaan na wala sa mga regalo at kung ano pang anik-anik chorvaluh ang "diwa ng pasko" (ching!) kundi nasa pagnamnam sa presence ni "god" at mga nagmamahal sa'yo!

SANA'Y MAGKAROON TAYONG LAHAT NG ISANG MALIGAYANG PASKO AT MANIGONG BAGONG TAON!!!

bum ta-rat (1)

2006-12-18T18:39:00.000+08:00

yeah, right... ang tagal na naman mula nang maglagay ako ng post dito... hay... ang dami-dami na namang nangyari sa pobreng buhay kong ito, mula nung huling entrada dito. hay... di ko na matiyagang mai-update malimit ang dyaskeng blog na itres... (paumanhin sa salita. sinasadya).

***

ninong
noong ika-22 ng nobyembre, fly ako kasama ang pamilya somewhere in caloocan, malapit sa SM fairview... sa kadahilanang magni-ninong ako sa binyag ng cutie baby girl ng aking girly pinsan (pinsan nga ba? kasi si "insan" ay anak ng anak ng kafatid ng lolo ko sa father's side... whatever).

ay, muntik na kaming ma-lost from SM fairview going to the destination. buti na lang at nakaalpas kami sa urban maze with the not-so-helpful mapa na pinalayo pa kami, eh may mas malapit namang way... oh well, thanks to kuya driver maluwalhati kaming nakarating sa gate ng subdivision ng aking inaanak... ibang istorya pa yung pagpunta sa bahay nila.

ayun... salamat ulit sa mapa, mga n times lang naman kami naglibot sa subdivision para mahanap ang naka-"X" na place. ay naku, nakakaloka. block at lot number lang kasi ang nakalagay kaya kahit yung mga pinagtanungan naming taga-dun, di rin sigurado kung saan. kumbaga sa stat, mga 90% confident. pero wala pa rin eh, kaya nagpasya kaming sa place na lang ni tito't tita (sa parents ni insan) pumunta.

tinawagan na nga ni mama si tito. block 22 lot 21 daw. hay... konting ikot na lang, naisip ko. ikot. ikot. ikot. block 21. malapit na. i k o t pa... ayun nahilo na kami. buti na lang at nakasalubong namin yung isa kong pinsan (first cousin ko) with her friend na hinahanap din kami. at sa wakas, we arrived at the place... na kanina pa pala namin nadaanan... dulot na ata ito ng sobrang pagkahilo, malala.

pagpunta sa simbahan, natapos na ang "lost" spell. pa-convoy effect pa nga kami eh. ayun, at naidaos din ang pagbibinyag ni cutie baby girl, along with 3 other babes. imagine 24 kaming mga ninong at ninang at karamihan ay pawang mga kamag-anak pa. well, talk about very strong family ties. pero out of 24, eh mga sampu lang ata yung dumating. ayun, pichur-pichur chorvah etceterah.

pagpunta sa reception, convoy ulet. wow, and yummy ng food (lagi naman) at nabusog ako nang sobra. nasulit ang hirap namin, hehe. joke lang po! ano ba, i went there for the baby, extra na lang yung food (ows... excuses). 'di, seryoso. ;)

after kumain at tsikahan of sorts, sibat na kami. pumunta pa kasi kami sa mandaluyong, may dinaanan pang something sa office ni mama. at sa wakas... home sweet home na ulet... ;)

parang di ko parin feel maging ninong actually pangalawa ko na 'to. earlier this year kasi nag-ninong din ako ng cutie baby girl ng pinsan ko (first cousin sa mother's side) somewhere in marikina. naku... iba talaga pag bumabata, in demand.

malapit na ang pasko. ninong na na ako. mararanasan rin ko kayang magtago sa mga inaanak? ikaw?

the bellevue experience
hay, grabe. super delayed na 'tong article na 'to. hello, second sem na! ah basta! enjoy ako sa stay ko dun... yun na yun! ;)

pictures to follow... (after 10 years) ;)

[ay, may maikling write-up na pala tungkol dito. ok lang. wish ko maulit ulit yung ganun... ;) ]

tarat't mag-LAKBAY!
how fateful... lakbay... eic??? bigat nun ah... this second sem is really about responsibilities, aside from acads. i guess it means life will be a bit more "colorful" this time, at least. gotta do something now... or else... macho-chorva ako! guyz, need help. just contact me (09284109843) for write-ups, articles, photos or whatever you can contribute (kahit funds, even and inyong sarili) para sa beloved LAKBAY ng ait. salamuch! aja!

***

ano pa ba ang masusulat??? ay, malapit na ang pasko... at bagong taon... ibig sabihin, malapit na ulit ang pasukan! ano ba, ang kj ko! umayos ka nga... hehe...

sUsUnod... my christmas wish list ;)

survivor

2006-11-04T07:06:00.000+08:00

... whew... i managed to get through my Tourism 131 (Management Accounting) class.

grabe! ang saya! ayooos!

handa na akong mag-enrol sa lunes... ahihi!

at last...

2006-10-20T18:01:00.000+08:00

bakasyon na talaga!!!

***

by the way, about the swimming exam... well, i think i lost it...
i remembered well that our instructor scheduled it this morning...
excited pa naman akong bumawi. na-late pa nga ako ng kinse minutos. akala ko nagsimula na... tapos...

walang tao!!!

ano yun!? nagkamali ako sa date? hindi eh. natapos sila agad (magbihis - mag-swimming - maligo - magbihis) in 15 minutes? ang galing naman!!! nataranta na ako sa kaiisip...

... nang may dumating na kaklase... at dalawa na kaming nagtataka.

dumating din si ate janitress. nakiusap kami sa kanya na itanong kay mang mon (maintenance staff ng pool) kung dumating si sir instructor. ang sagot: isang masaklap na "hindi".

hay... wala kaming magawa kundi umusal ng "bahala na!"

*update*
lumipas ang bakasyon... ang "bahala na", naging tumataginting na 5!

plok plok

2006-10-10T16:44:00.000+08:00

plok... plok [g-a-s-p]
blub... blub... bub [g--a--s--p]
wiggle. paddle. stroke. kick. [g---a---s---p]
float... <breathe>
sink a little [g-a-s-p]
drown a little [hang on to dear 3 (life)]

today

failed to finish 5 laps breastroke in 10 minutes [only did 4 and 1/2]
succeeded treading for 10 minutes [with ocassional touching of the poolside]

be back with vengeance on friday...
to conquer 5 laps in 10 minutes...
and pass my exhausting swimming class.

kukurapkurap

2006-10-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

hay...nakakatamad... minsan nakakawalang-gana... ewan ko ba...

ilan? halos tatlong buwan... oo, halos tatlong buwan din yun... ang bilis talaga ng panahon...

ganun na katagal yun? ganun ba???

ang hirap. ang hirap mabuhay sa mundong naghahabol ng oras. parang laging nauubusan ng panahon... o kaya'y wala nang panahon para tumigil, umupo, at manood ng paglubog ng araw...

mabilis ang mga pangyayari... parang walang dumaan na reports at exams.dumaan at lumipas lang ang kaarawan na sana'y labis na ninamnam. ang mga oras na inilaan sa pagtambay sa org, parang wala lang... ang magdamag na pamamalagi at ligaya sa otel, natapos sa isang kisapmata. ang pagtipa para sa lakbay sa ma-ulang hapon. ang "maluwalhati't mahalay" na interbyu sa org... kasama na ang mga mataas at mababang punto ng buhay... lahat ay lumipas ng ganun-ganun na lang.

sana... mas ninamnam ko pa... kahit yaong mga hirap, puyat, at kung anu-ano pa.

mahirap talagang maging alipin ng panahon... at ng sistema.

kalayaan. dalisay ba?

(malamang gagamitin ng mga tao sa likod ng site na ito ang impormasyong makukuha nila dito, kung meron man. kaya mag-ingat sa paggamit... lalo na ng e-mail. mahirap na.)

so long... nails

2006-07-18T21:59:00.000+08:00

this might be an "off" topic for a guy, but, who cares... blog ko 'to. ;) okay..

so... i tried to grow my fingernails longer than they usually do. kasi kung mag-gupit ako ng kuko, sagad talaga, tipong walang space na pagsisiksikan ng dumi. ayun. even though dirt and whatever gets "deposited" under them, tiniyaga kong pahabain at linisin. kahit asar na ko, go pa rin. pero, parang pangit tingnan. yung yung white part, di talaga puti, parang dirty yellow.

kahit na-elibs ako dahil napahaba ko mga kuko ko, na-miss ko talaga yung dating maikli. almost two weeks din akong 'di nag-trim. ang hirap! kaya kaninang umaga, bago pumasok sa eskwela... goodbye long nails... welcome back, trimmed! hay...

am i developing a fetish on my nails???

drops over my head

2006-07-13T09:08:00.000+08:00

hay... it's me again... bothering to clutter this worthless blog. since classes are suspended today... ano ba... uhmm... shet! wala lang akong magawa! i think my brain's not on "blog mode" today... baka dahil maulan.

***

i wish i do have a camera-phone or a digicam to capture my sketches on my "lesson plan" notebook. maybe i have around 10 - 20 sketches already, in which i used my cheap, handy ballpoint pen. astig daw... sabi nung mga nakakakita. flattered naman ang lolo nyo... naa-astigan din ako (minsan) pero i don't think "maganda" siya by standards, astig lang tingnan. pero, napansin ko, medyo gumagaling na kong mag-sketch at mag-visualize ng mga bagay-bagay... at gumagaling ako 'pag nag-drowing ako habang nasa klase, lalo 'pag boring and uninteresting yung discussion. bakit kaya???

***

Purpose-driven Update
i haven't read the book in 3 days already. i'm supposed to read chapter 13 today, but i'm still at chapter 7. nagsimula pa naman ako magbasa july 1... hay, commitment...

i am dead... or so i thought.

2006-07-01T18:08:00.000+08:00

whew, it's good to be back after quite some time... isn't it?
i was bothered by other things here in the Internet and there in the "real" world that i miss to post something here, even if so much thoughts and clutter twitch my mere existence. damn...

Covergirl

yup! ellen adarna WAS on the cover of Candy's june ish. compared to the july 2005 ish, the shot is really a LOT like her. kudos to Candy for the nice cover! sadly, i didn't grabbed a copy... yet. but i really planned to have one since early June. but school expenses didn't allow me to. yeah right, it may "only" cost Php 85, but Php 85 is a luxury i seldom afford. though i have some spare money, i let this one pass. what's the use of back issues sold at Filbar's? hah! a way to justify my "ka-kuriputan". ;)

... some movies

Fight Club. viewed: twice. where: at "Studio 23 Presents". why: 'coz i like it.
yeah, this is one of the movies i would watch again, and again. i don't know why it never fails to have my attention. maybe its so insightful about the concept of modern living... stress... insomnia... modern "slaves"... being "in control"... and letting go of everything... physical pain to relieve stress, to be "free".

Love Actually.viewed: once. where: rented VCD from Video City, Sta. Luciawhy: primarily, as a prop for a class report about Video City. secondly, to watch it (duh?)
"i feel it in my fingers, i feel it in my toes. love is all around you, c'mon and let it show..."actually, "love" must be replaced with "christmas" and "show" with "snow". well, to fit the setting of the movie... christmas in UK. hmm..... i guess you'll just have to watch it. it's hard to explain, or tell. just one thing... i admire the boy who professed his "love" for joanna... ;)

Purpose-driven?

today, i started to read Rick Warren's "The Purpose-driven Life" in a dental clinic while waiting for my younger brother whose braces were adjusted. i originally planned to read it on my pace, but i didn't. i followed the rule "one chapter a day, for forty days". i'll just try if it will work on me. let's see after forty days... ;)

me... realist?

i thought so. but i was dead wrong. i am still afraid to go out, open myself to the complex world. maybe that's why the world doesn't reveal itself to me. i see what i only want to see, not what i need to see. i fail to see through the ugly, i lust look. i don't know. maybe i'm still confused with myself.

and i earlier glanced the back cover of an Alvin Toffler book that said: we live in a very complex world but we only give simplistic responses. could that be?

a long lost affair...

2006-05-19T16:10:00.000+08:00

hay... how i miss blogging so much! i miss my pc too coz windows wouldn't run.. when i just installed a game?! wadafuck! that's why my internet persona had not been lingering around for a while... just now... and i'll be off again...

damn! for the love of the internet, i have to endure the EAR-PIERCING NOISE by the fuckin' gamers in this hella' computer shop! pity me...

sayang ang dami ko pa naman sanang ipo-post... sana maayos na yung pc... sana...

bored... or just something else

2006-04-13T06:03:00.000+08:00

after my enrolment last monday for the summer session, my productivity had gone down. tinatamad lang ba ako o wala lang magawa? ewan.tinamaan na naman siguro ako ng katamaran. lintek! hay... pasukan na naman sa lunes.

***

since i had nothing much to bother myself with, except yesterday when i wired a small portion of our house's roof gutter and removed the lamp post, i delved on the TV, specifically studio23s noontime movies. naka-dalawang araw ako, nung martes at kahapon.

nung martes pinalabas yung "Tinimbang Ka Ngunit Kulang." napanood ko na ito noon, sa studio23 rin, lenten specials naman. iba talaga yung pelikula. malalim. natawa ako at nainis. nariyan ang pusok ng kabataan, kalokohan ng mga "nakatatanda", at ka-ipokritohan ng komunidad. nakakainis yung mga "banal na tagapag-balita" [basa: lintek na tsismosa]. di ako sigurado kung bakit ako naiinis - dahil ba sa talagang nakakainis sila o marahil sadyang totoo at kakabit na ng kulturang Filipino. si junior, berto, at kuala... mga sawi.

kahapon naman, yung "Himala." kakaiba rin. it's more than the cliche "walang hiMALA!" oo. higit pa. nagkamali ako. nakahahabag si elsa. nakakaawa ang mga tao. lahat sila, nag-pUpUtahan - may nagbebenta ng himala, ng aliw, yung isa para sa pelikula nya. pero ang tumatak sa akin yung sinabi nung pari [na ginampan ni joel lamangan]. patawad kung may kaibhan, base na lang kasi ito sa aking pag-alaala. eto:

mahalaga na harapin natin ang katotohanan

pero wag tayong papabulag sa katotohanan

minsan kasi'y hindi ito makatao

minsan mas maganda pa ang kasinungalingan

lalo kung may kabutihan itong maidudulot...

katotohanan man o kasinungalingan

realidad o ilusyon,

ang mahalaga ay kung saan natin ito gagamitin.

hirap mag-comment about the films...

sana makapanood pa ako ng mga ganitong klase ng pelikula. sa mainstream kasi, siyempre komersyalisado na... nakabase ang istorya sa subok na pormula para kumita. ano pa nga ba ang aasahan natin? kung may susugal man, iilan lamang.

ngunit marami na ang sumusubok ibalik ang kahapon. umusbong na ang panahon ng mga indie at digital na pelikula. pinipilit nilang buhayin ang sining ng pelikula na nilunod ng komersyalisasyon. kunsabagay, wala namang maaaring mawala sa kanila. hay... mabuhay kayo!

nakapanghihinayang... di pa ako nakagkakaroon ng pagkakataong makapanood ng ganoon. maliban sa isa...

***

whew... i'm having fun browsing pictures in frienster and myspace! cuteness!...

***

i hope we'll all have a meaningful experience of the lenten season. amen.

whew!

2006-04-10T16:41:00.000+08:00

(damn! i'm re-typing this post! hmph... my pc hanged. my post gone! crap.)

she's ellen meriam go adarna. at last, i knew her name! (thanks to a former classmate, AVA. thank you very much!). the earlier post, about something i found, was, well... about her. *smiles* she's really fascinating...

i saw her pic back then in friendster. since then, she caught my attention [related blog entry... here ;)].

last year, i saw the july ish of Candy magazine... noticed the covergirl who looked pretty much like her. "maybe it's her," i thought. but i quickly dismissed it, because of the thick layer of make-up and round face, compared to the one above. then, one day, ava left a comment here, telling me her name: ellen meriam go adarna. later, i stumbled upon a webpage about the july covergirl [see here]. surprise! IT'S HER! hahaha...

those rosy cheeks are really cute, i wanna blush! (rosy? yeah... make-up).

her pictures are everywhere in myspace and friendster. too bad, most of them are used by people posing to be her, using her pics and telling people it's "her" account, stealing her identity. damn fakers! try searching those networks and you'll see. well at least i found someone identifying herself, that she is just an avid fan, just using the pics. hay... people.

could that happen to me? or... you?

to me, i don't think so.

i'm so happy, i wanna burst!

2006-04-01T16:06:00.000+08:00

ha ha ha ha ha!!!
i found something about someone somewhere! very, very pretty...

it just made my day, overcoming the grudge i had earlier because someone "messed" things up in my room...

ha ha ha!
what did i find?
i'll think if i'll tell...

what i found... it's priceless.

cool, lonely summer

2006-03-28T17:30:00.000+08:00

nagtapos na naman ang isang semestre... andito na naman ako sa pinakamamahal kong tahanan... kasama ang pamilya... ayus! family bonding ulet... pero minsan pakiramdam ko... ewan.

minsan talaga, mas gusto ko maging alone, pero di naman lonely. ewan. minsan, o marahil, madalas, mas gusto ko mag-isa. di naman sa ayaw kong may kasama, gusto ko lang talaga. oras para sa sarili, para magmuni-muni sa kung anu-ano. minsan naman, gusto ko ng kasama, [mga] kaibigang pwedeng abalahin nang sandali para makatabi, para makausap nang kahit sandaling panahon. masaya na 'ko dun. sana sila rin. ewan. masyado lang siguro akong nagiging self-oriented. huwag naman sana. di naman siguro...

nakakatuwa. dalawang linggo akong walang pasok. ang daming pwede, o dapat, gawin dito sa bahay. kelangang mga-ayos ng aking kwarto, ilibot yung aming sasakyan paminsan-minsan, linisin at i-tune-up yung bike ko [may alikabok na at medyo mahina na yung brake], linisin etong PC ko. hay... maliban dyan, kung papalarin, sana makakuha na ako ng student driver's license! matagal ko na kasing pinaplano, pero di matuluy-tuloy. sana rin, magka-raket ako ngayong summer, para may panggastos kahit papano kung may kakailanganin ako. hay...

ang sarap talaga dito sa bahay... pero minsan, nakakasawa na rin. kelangan ding lumabas... parang ako. di ako ako dapat palaging nag-iisa. kelangan ding makisalamuha. minsan din, di maiiwasang malungkot pag nag-iisa...

pictures! at last!

2006-03-25T11:45:00.000+08:00

tourism 113: banaue-sagada trip
eto na ang mga group pichurs. sa wakas ay napa-develop, na-scan, at na-upload ko na!
in fairness, ang hirap mag-ipon ng pera for photo finishing. to follow na lang yung sceneries, etc.

looking at the pictures, i just noticed something...
or maybe i'm looking through them with something in my eyes...
maybe it's just me again, thinking something in the depths of my puny, little head. :(

happy but depressed

2006-03-07T08:30:00.000+08:00

arrived yesterday morning from our trip to banaue and sagada.
wala lang. ok lang.
it was fun.

the pictures to be posted soon.

yipee!

2006-03-03T15:12:00.000+08:00

later, at around 11 pm, me and my classmates in Tourism 113 will be off to Banaue and Sagada 'till monday!

Godspeed to us!

till then, see ya around!

a raised fist... in the depths of my room.

2006-02-27T10:07:00.000+08:00

here i am in my room typing this... (obvious!)
i saw how the events unravelled last night, at least on TV. i hoped i was there to witness it.
i hope i am in UP now, hearing talks about it.. partaking with the people.
i feel i am ready to support them. rally for the country's best interest: the people's interest.

ISKOLAR NG BAYAN, NGAYON AY LUMALABAN!
NGAYON AY LUMALAABAAN, ISKOLAR NG BAYAN!

metaphorically, i am ready to join (i think)... but something held me back.
rather, someone...

my mom.

yeah right... then i remembered what professor randy david wrote in his column - we [males] are accountable first and foremost, to our mothers.

topsy-turvy

2006-02-26T14:28:00.000+08:00

hay, naku! di ko na naharap 'tong blog ko! dami kasing pinagkakaabalahan! (kuno)
i have ideas/thoughts/perceptions/whatevers stuck in my mind, but now, i can't arrange them properly to have a visible flow of thought. so for now, i'll just make an outline about them. i hope i could edit this post later (which i don't know when). good luck to me!

[G]od
death
my "crushes"
guinsaugon tragedy in southern leyte
mass action in EDSA yesterday
panahon na ba talaga para kumilos?
... para ako'y sumama sa pagkilos?
APATHY
CONFORMITY
DEVIANCE
REFORM
the future of our country
my future
what-to-do in my current subjects
my weird dreams (again)
friends
keeping in touch with them
the reality of my existence
the vast universe
paradox[es] in life
paradox of life, itself...
... and of love (shucks!)
field trip na namin sa March 3!

i guess that's it... maybe i'll be back here posting after our trip to banawe and sagada...

see ya!

delayed... so late (2)

2006-02-07T08:43:00.000+08:00

at last i have the luxury of time to post by babblings here. it had been a busy week and more things might come this time around. hay...

my sassy girl
i really, really longed to watch this flick since i heard the 'romantic' comments and reviews from my peers... freshman pa lang ata ako nun. grabe ang tagal ko na palang naghihintay. may mga sinubukan akong hiraman pero di ko naman mahiram kasi maraming nakapilang hihiram. salamat kay she napanood ko na rin sa ito sa wakas... last january 24. grabe! ang busy ko talaga dahil ngayon lang ako nag-post tungkol dito.

i'll spare you the synopsis. panoorin niyo na lang. basta, after viewing it, i felt so "in-love". yes, the guy's so sweet. she's so beautiful. it seemed that i longed for love, that i want to love and be loved, again. i was lovestruck, i think up to now... pero deep inside... bitter ako!

dead thoughts
recurring thoughts about death... why? i don't understand. i have been thinking of death, my death, from the moment i lie on my 'improvised bed' 'till the moment i lose my consciousness. i shouldn't be thinking of my death, at least for know... because i'm at the prime of my life! why should i think i will die? i must think that i am immortal, that i am bound to achive "great" things! and yet i still think of it every single night... i think about what does it feel like after i "die"? what would happen to me? where will "I" go, if there is somewhere to go to?

i hope i could stop my twitched mind from "imagining" this thing. i just hope...

reality
i assume we have relative perceptions of it. what is it, then?

delayed... so late...

2006-02-01T20:50:00.000+08:00

whew... a relatively long time had past since my last post. i think i should motivate myself to post here more often... but why should i?! who cares?!

gosh!!! i don't have much time! it's late. i need to study pa for a quiz tomorrow in tourism 120 (management). yes, i feel nerdy right now. (smiles).

but later i'll post about "sassy girl," some thoughts about love, death and reality, plus some other little things that bothers me. grrrr..... ;)

2006-01-24T08:30:00.000+08:00

we are not what we [think we] are; we are what people project us...
we are nothing but blank screens.

- from TV cartoon series "Aeon Flux"

manny... money...

2006-01-22T16:43:00.000+08:00

what a fight! manny won by knockout on the 10th round! awesome!

so what?

congratulations! you really are a pride of the Filipino people!

i hate those politicians... those filthy rich politicians who went to las vegas to watch manny, under the guise of supporting him.i doubt if they didn't cast bets. of course they did. siyempre, para mabawi nila yung mga gastos sa pagpunta at siyempre para kumita na rin.

later this evening, another LOTTO 6/49 draw will happen. the jackpot is now around 150 MILLION Php!

may mananalo kaya? di pa ako tumataya... baka manalo...

the 2 of the many-faceted me...

depressed. why should i?!

2006-01-18T19:09:00.000+08:00

now i know... hay... naku.... ;(

(READ: to the girl i can't look at - nalaman ko rin. tumama nga ang hinala ko. hay. sana bumitaw na ako noon sa 'pangarap' ko. ang mangarap lang naman ang kaya ko, lalo na sa babaeng tulad mo...

bakit nga ba? ano bang meron ka? ganda? tinatanong pa ba yun! wits? meron. sociable? oo. kumbaga sa regalo, ayos ang package at ang laman. pero, parang may kakaiba. di ko alam e. siguro it's not you, it's me! duh, gasgas na ang linyang yan!

noon pa, sinabi ko na sa sarili ko dapat studies muna. lintek! kaya friends lang dapat... dapat walang motibo. pero hindi ganun ang nangyari. nakakainis! bakit ko ba nararamdaman 'to! dapat wala, wala, wala!!! pero meron, meron, meron!!! shet! ang gago ko!

ngayon alam ko na... may minamahal ka na pala. ok lang, buti nga at nalaman ko... salamat sa kaibigang nagsabi sa'kin [at sana'y panatilihin niyang lihim ang aking mga sinabi]. di kasi kita ganoon kakilala. ang tanga ko talaga! buti at matatapos na ang kahibangang ito...

salamat. kahit paano'y nakulayan mo ang buhay ko, at sana kahit paano'y ganoon din ako sa'yo...

salamat... wala kang alam tungkol dito.)

new year. new post. bad luck(?)

2006-01-13T09:32:00.000+08:00

happy new year! yeah i know it's maybe too late for that, but who minds anyway?!

ang haba ng bakasyon ko from my blog. medyo nagloko kasi 'tong computer sa bahay - parang bumagal yung internet saka ang tagal mag-open ng bagong IE window. hay. ngayon medyo ok na. kaya i'm back to posting and doing other online-related activities!

it's FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!!!!!!!
seriously, i am not a believer of superstitions. but today seemed different... my one and only pair of brown Rusty sandals was gnawed by my beloved (read: CURSED) dog! damn! i love those sandals! i prefer those over my new Converse shoes, 'coz my feet could 'breathe' and they feel more comfortable.... grrr...

if could only gnaw my dog... grrr... :aw:::aw::: ;'(

flows...

2005-12-31T14:44:00.000+08:00

awhrl.... so far, my holidays have been great. but not as great as my tongue (wtf?!). i've been munching lots of stuff lately... and cooking too. my tongue is somewhat sore, parang may maliit na hiwa sa gitna, i dunno. all the tastes seem to overwork my tongue, which is still good in tasting foods despite the 'problem'. grrr... one thing's for sure... i gained weight. darn!

crush
last night while on the road home from pangasinan...

[went to my mom's province yesterday to visit our relatives, give some gifts, and bring home some goods like rice, charcoal, veggies, and fruits; and we also attended the reunion of my mom's high school classmates - after 32 years! wow!]

... i saw the big big billboard of Nicole Hernandez at the NLE toll gate, going kalookan. i sighed. "haaayyy... nicole...", i whispered (as i always do when i see her anywhere). wala lang... the sight of her just makes my day (or night)!

letters

some outpours to certain peeps out there...

to 'ashley'

i love your name! it's just like... i wanna utter that name tirelessly. there's something in it that feels... spectacular, passionate. i just wonder how many [female] ashley's exist? no idea (duh?). such a beautiful name for such a sweet girl...

to 'nicole'

"hay, nicole..." you're such a beauty - the look, the face, the body, the charm. yeah, i'm just here looking at you from afar... a fan you will never know, a freakin' school guy preoccupied with other things...

to 'her whom i can't stare admiringly...'

i see you weekly, everytime i go to school. friends, yes... but a barrier seems to isolate me from you. i couldn't tell, 'coz you might know. we may get close, yet still too far... very far. i'm just a simple guy; you're out there exploring the world. you look sophisticated, or am i judging too quickly? maybe. maybe i saw you at the "not-so-right" time. wheew! i'll just have to settle and be content of how things are going... we'll see...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

quotes

2005-12-26T15:11:00.000+08:00

i just scanned my notes and found some interesting quotes/statements i picked up from a news magazine and some TV shows. and here they go...

"Not a single tourist caught in the tsunami was mugged. Now with all this happenning in the United States we can easily say where the civilized part of the world's population is." Sajeewa Chinthaka, a 36-year-old Sri Lankan man, on the looting and crime in New Orleans after the hurricane.

The most [and maybe the most powerful] invention of Man is the TV, because it bombards people's minds with lots of information, making them susceptible, or even a slave to it. The TV controls people eventually... The TV can be a religion. by the cult leader/comatose kid hacker, talking to Spike

- from the anime series Cowboy Bebop.

To end death is to end life. We call this life because it has an end. [That's why there is purpose.] To stop death is to have a single, fleeting existence. Death, talking to Piper, telling her the Charmed Ones could be messing up the 'Grand Design' by raising the dead or preventing death.

- from the TV series Charmed.

... and some thoughts that crossed my mind before i went to sleep last night...

"i have forgotten my past, ignored my present, and corrupted my future.

yet i persist to exist, barely living life... or even dying death."

***

"wala na akong maalala sa panahong lumipas

kundi ang maaliwalas mong mukha

na 'di ko makuhang tingnan sa malapitan."

Merry Christmas!!!

groggy...

2005-12-23T01:27:00.000+08:00

hay... i arrived around 12 midnight earlier. now i'm still up (at home) typing this...
i went to my 4th yr high school classmates' party, somewhere in pasig (in St. Joseph... you know?). i arrived there around four. went home at eleven. got stuck in traffic. arrived midnight... whew! i feel exhausted...

as usual, kwentuhan, chikahan, pag-update sa buhay-buhay ng mga tao... grabe nga, information overload. ayos at madami ring pumunta. ang saya!

the food was plentiful - pork barbeque, some sushi, roasted chicken, grilled bangus, dunkin donuts munchkins, chocolate cake with pilsbury frosting, cheesy french fries, kakanin, my graham cake, buttered popcorn, caramel popcorn with pecans, and much more. yum yum... i really, really got my tummy full. drinks? aside from water, there were bottles of coca-cola, gran matador, guerrero (i think?), and emperador...

i wanted to mix coke and brandy but my classmate gave me a shot instead, then coke as the chaser... that really felt warm down the throat, and gave a a bit of kick... hmmm. i'm not used to it... groggyyyy.... nope, di naman ako nalasing dun. but one of us puked! ha!

but what made my night is the videoke machine!!! just after dinner, and being the group (of boys) that was near the machine, we started "singing" (sort of... maybe jamming). well, nagustuhan naman nila (i guess?). we belted out tunes of pare ko, toyang, this i promise you, prinsesa, kisapmata, elesi, delilah (huh?), paglisan, buloy... to name a few (few pa lang yan!). whew! baka bukas paos na ako!

that's fine, i had a great night anyway... hahaha!

another dose of fun from a repressed party-goer... ; p

erratic

2005-12-20T09:17:00.000+08:00

some random toughts

she's out there, walkin' the world... i'm here, makin' my own.

the contrast, so evident.

the frequency, so little.

the possibility... unimaginable.

***

'tis better to see from afar...

i can stare all i want...

than see her up-close,

from the corner of my eyes.

***

again, i must secretly bid goodbye...

i know she won't hear.

2 weeks may be a short time...

oh how i long to see you soon!

wala lang

wanna post a quote sent by my friend, to which i replied. here it goes...

Love asked Teardrop:

why do most people always relates me to you?

Teardrop answered:

because liitle did you notice

that once you came along

i never failed to follow.. :'c

i replied:

Love again asked Teardrop:

but why do you always follow?

Teardrop replied:

i could be their release...

of your wonderful magic

your tragic spell.. :'c

a re-post from Friendster
ASTERISK TEST
[*] i have a cell phone.
[] i have friends that use me.
[] i am an only child.
[*] i love dangly earrings. [na suot ng girl]
[*] i love cold weather.
[*] i'm obsessed with the computer. [di mashado]
[] i have shot a gun before.
[*] i can't live without music.
[] i have no tolerance of ignorant people.
[*] i have ridden on a motorcycle before.
[] i'll be in this town forever.
[] i've been to 5 other countries.
[] i get annoyed easily.
[*] i eventually want kids. [naman!]
[] i have neat handwriting.
[*] i have more than a few horrible memories.
[*]i am addicted to chocolate. [pag my craving]
[]i am an atheist. [hmmm...]
[*] i love airplane rides. [miss ko takeoff]
[*] i love taking pictures. [pero 'la cam]
[*] i dislike people who are fake.
[*] i can be mean when i want to.
[*] my parents care about my grades. [noon..]
[*] one of my best friends is a girl.
[] i have too many wallets.[2 lng]
[*] i'm obsessed with lip gloss. [pag dry lips ko]
[*] i am easy to talk to.
[] i would never eat raw fish. [tried once]
[] i cry easily.
[] i hate when people are late.
[*] i procrastinate. [lalo pag papers]
[] i love winter.
[] i have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
[*] i love to sleep.
[] i wish i were smarter. ['yoko]
[] i'm afraid of flying.
[*] i hate drama. [yung alang sense]
[] i bite my nails. [never!]
[] i have been on an 8 hour drive.
[] i never fight with my parents.
[*] i love the beach.
[] i have never had the chicken pox.
[*] i have gone out in public in my pajamas. [nung elementary..mghapon sa skul,pajama suot ko!]
[] i can't control my emotions.
[*] i have a best friend.
[] i have moved more than once.
[*] i truly love my friends.
[] i have (had) braces. [plan to..sana]
[] i have never broken a bone.
[] i hate my computer.
[] i love girls that play the drums. [don't know]
[*] i state the obvious.
[*] i'm a happy person.
[*] i love to dance. [sa bahay]
[*] i love to sing. [sa kwarto]
[*] i love cleaning my room. [lalo after ng sem]
[*] i tend to get jealous very easily. [dun sa umaaligid sa crush ko,kung meron..pero alam ko nmng ala ako karapatan.hu!]
[] i love cute underwear.
[*] i love night better than day.
[] i don't like to study for tests. [hay, nku!]
[] i have been on the phone for over 5 hours. [di ko sure...baka 3]
[*] i am too forgiving.
[] i have horrible sense of direction.
[*] i miss elementary/highschool school.
[] i'm a daddy's boy/girl.
[] i love the color white.
[*] i love to sew. [pag me sira gamit ko]
[] my eye color changes.
[] i should see a therapist.
[*] i played on a guy sports team.
[] i become stressed easily.
[*] i hate/detest liars.
[] i love the smell of rain.
[*] i love my family.
[]i am a perfectionist.
[*] i always wanted to learn to play the drums.
[] i hate the feeling of failure.
[] i have friends in other countries.
[*] i know how to cook. [love ko rin!]
[] i can be quite selfish.
[*] Most of the time, i still act like a little kid.
[] i have food allergies.
[*] i love to read.
[] i wish i were more motivated for school.
[*] i love getting stuff in the mail.
[*] i have problems with letting go of old feelings.
[] i hate being alone.
[*] i love summer.
[*] i love the weekends.
[] i love black eyeliner.
[] i think I'm a looker.
[] i type with one hand.
[*] i live in a one story house.
[] i wear make-up. -- i have to...
[] i have never rode on an underground subway.
[*] i can't swim. [float lang]
[*] i have bad memories.
[*] i go to church.
[*] i sing in the shower.
[] i hate cheerleaders.
[] i usually get what i want.
[*] i have been on stage before. [n times]
[] i love roller coasters.
[*] no one knows the full story of my life.
[*] i am close to my parents. [mom]
[] i don't have a curfew.
[] i get lunch and dinner mixed up all the time

; P

Tell-tale stories

2005-12-20T08:42:00.000+08:00

hay, daming nangyari... ang tagal ko mag-post. ewan. read on!

the godfather
december 18 '05, sunday - i attended the christening of my very first inaanak in concepcion church, marikina. she's so cute! actually her mother is my cousin on my mother's side. she's really so cute!!! i thought it will be a hassle to be a godfather, but hey, it doesn't seem so... at least for now.

shopping madness
grabe! ang sarap mamili!
went to SM megamall last saturday, december 17, 2005. i arrived around 11:30 am, then i went to the converse megasale in megatrade hall 3. luckily i happened to glance their ad the other night at MTV. the sale was great! i stayed there for an our to assess what i will buy. then, i scoured the mall, from the 5th up to the LG of Blg B. the "scouring" ended around 2 pm. then i ate my lunch at dunkin donuts - one choco wacko, one honey-dipped, and a cup of hot chocolate - while waitin' for mom. 2 minutes after i sat to eat, she came. then we started to shop. my mom got 3 bags and a pair of shoes. then we went to the converse megasale around 4 pm. we got out at around 5 pm. whew! so many peeps! we got a pair of shoe (for me), and 6 set of tees (2 for me, 1 each for mom, little bro, kid neighbor, and someone else).
i'm so happy! and i also feel consumed... kahit na masaya naman!

damn exam...
but gladly, it was just a piece of cake (yabang!). yes, the economics 100.1 (macroecon) scheduled the exam the day after (dec 16) the glorious lantern parade (dec 15) in UPD. darn! i could've spent more time there with friends/classmates... sayang talaga.

activities galore
december 15 '05, thursday - i starred the day with a 'fun' party in my tourism 120 class. my golly, i ate a lot! the food... food for the gods (thanks to ma'am rodriguez), small hotdogs, black forest cake, lutong bahay spaghetti, puto, goldilocks ensaymada, and softdrinks... so yummy! so much calories (boooo)!
the exchange gift was different, and fun (thanks to kuya dennis). small sheets of paper were numbered. then we drew lots. the person who got number 1 gets to pick a gift he/she wants. then it's #2s turn. the person could pick a gift from the pile or get the gift #1 got. then #3. again she could pick one from the pile or get what #1 or #2 got... and so on. astig noh?

i would want to stay there, but olive and i must rush to the darn economics lecture class. but i ended up alone going there. she just dropped off to her dormitory, tinatamad na kasi saka patapos na rin yung klase. nadatnan ko na alng dun sa econ, naglalaro sila, pagalingan sa pagkanta.. ewan.

then i went to the Palma hall (AS) to meet my classmate (blockmates?) there to watch the '05 Oblation Run. yes i did! i've been doing that since my freshie year. but this time, i'm in front. i used to wtach kasi in the back, where all i see are butts, arms, masks, roses. now, i saw everything! but i was disapppointed and poked fun on the 'runners.' "so small, it could've been bigger" i thought. aww well, i was harsh yes... just realized it when i went home... i'm sorry.

again i went to the the darn economics class, this time the discussion class, from 2pm-3pm. (pasensya ulit kay she, naiwan ka sa labas.) we just reviewed for the darn exam tomorrow... blah blah... finally natapos din yung klase!

again i met my classmates in front of economics building while waiting for the lantern parade... then we transferred in front of the vinzon's... but sadly, i must go... i still have an exam tomorrow. bwisit! huhuhu... so i bid goodbye, and left for home...

and that's the wrap-up of my activities the past days... MERRY CHRISTMAS!

the 'smile' experiment

2005-12-10T06:32:00.000+08:00

last night, while me and my brother were reading books, a crazy thought crossed my mind. "i'll smile." then my brother saw me, he didn't mind it at first. but later, he said, "stop it. i'm feeling uneasy!" he occasionaly laughs when he looks at me. i just continued to smile. "stop doing that," he insisted. but i didn't falter. i asked, "what's wrong with my smile?" he just laughed. and because of the uneasiness, he left to go to sleep. later i followed to fix my "bed," still smiling. he would peek from the blanket and giggle, because i'm still smiling. soon, i was giggling myself. i quickly finished my "bed," then went out to watch TV.

that act made me think... "yes, i smile to seldom here at home. that made my brother, and maybe me, uneasy."

who's afraid of death?

2005-12-04T07:20:00.000+08:00

maybe i am. this uneasy feeling surged last thursday, during my biology 1 class, around 5pm...

more of this on tuesday. i am running out of time...

*update* 09-Dec-05

damn! i failed to update last tuesday. obvious ba?

ok. so that day, during my biology class, we watched a video - "understanding sex."

ano koneksyon?

i don't know.

well, the show biologically, socially, and psychologically explained SEX. of course minus the sexual heat, passion and other related stuff. then, thoughts rammed my head.

"what's my age again? yes, i just turned 19 last september. soon, i'll be 20.. 21.. 22.. n-1... n."

i thought it was over, but...

"when will i die? what is it like to die? what would i feel? will my precious memories be gone? will i go to another level of existence? or will death cease my existence, from here and beyond? how longer will i be able to cherish my existence, manipulate my life, satisfy myself, and LOVE OTHER PEOPLE?"

such and other similar thoughts still bother my head. i'm tired. maybe afraid. afraid that won't remember how my life went, what happenned, and most of all - HOW and WHY i LOVED WHO.

happy tummy

2005-12-03T07:28:00.000+08:00

yum yum! a tasteful meal i prepared yesterday for lunch. "pina-upong manok," that's how we call it (i wonder why - eh nakatihaya or nakadapa yung manok). basically, it's whole chicken stuffed with lemon grass (tanglad) and dried oregano, cooked in its marinade (1 can 7-UP, soy sauce, sugar, crushed pepper, peppercorns, salt). i cooked it for almost 2 hours and we ate at 1 pm. just imagine the craving! we'll the experiment turned to be very good... so much for food...

ako ito!

2005-11-29T07:56:00.000+08:00

hay... this is the last day of my 5-day weekend, from friday until today. tomorrow and on thursday i'll have classes. then another long wekeend! but the regular one - 3 days. i have so much to do, but i accomplished little. ha! damn laziness...

last sunday night (around 10pm 'till 12 midnight), i tuned in to 99.5 RT's Sunday Sessions - featuring the hayup (read:astig/great/whatever) BROWNBEAT ALL STARS! (clap clap clap clap)... astig talaga, lalo na si ate Skarlet (close kami!), formerly myra _____ of pu3ska. biro nyo, nagsulat ng kanta sa delivery room! manganganak na kasi siya noon kay maru (name ng anak nya, sana tama ang ispeling). daming binigay na tip about songwriting at paglalapat ng nota. i think i gonna listen more often every sunday...

of course they jammed too! and one of their songs struck me (ouch!). i was "AKO ITO", and the chorus tells that you need to know things about you, understand yourself, and love yourself before you could extend yourself to others - which is quite true. but i took the message in the concept of 'romantically' loving another person.

yes, i must understand 'me' before falling again. especially now, that i am confused with this girl... hay...

p.s. 'jansen and pepper' may be delayed 'till the holiday vacation. have a nice day!

read... then decipher

2005-11-22T12:12:00.000+08:00

after some cumbersome thinking and evolving curiosity, i will try to read rick warren's "enlightening book" called THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE... heck... i know i shunned that book coz i know it's not for me in any way - another book about self-fulfillment that tells you to do things to have a more 'purposeful' life... blah blah. i am not a devout faithful anymore (i think i had never been one). is this the reason? no. i just want to know what the book is all about, and avoid the possible influences it might bear on me. to read as if it's a literary piece. that's all...

i wonder... why sell such book (and other similar titles) for a price? i think they might say finding one's purpose is worth every penny (peso) and you will gain much more than what you gave, greater than anything you could receive on earth (salvation).

yes, everything has a cost, and finding one's purpose also has, i think. but guiding others to salvation, again i think, should be done as an act of mercy and humanity, asking for nothing in return... to be delighted and content to see others 'saved'.

another 'selfish' percpetion of mine...

lovestruck?!

2005-11-18T08:11:00.000+08:00

is this it or am i just confused

well i saw her again this week... i really would want to melt from what i felt that day! her smile, her look, her hair... gggrrrr. i know something's different in me, the time i least expect i could happen... not now! but it seems like... i would want to "fall" again.

darn, i'm really confused! i'm messing with my priorities, and this thing isn't part of it... or maybe the last on my list!

huhuhu... now i should ponder upon this icky thing. and i hope time and fate are on my side...

the story

i'll be trying to write something out of my encounters with this girl. it will be "the story of jansen and pepper." well, that would be the working title. of course it'll be changed! maybe i'll post the story around next week or later... just keep visiting! ;)

a week that was!

2005-11-15T08:08:00.000+08:00

hay... why do i feel it's sooo drag to post! damn... just... whatever!

i saw her again!
gosh, she's so beautiful, captivating, and radiant! as if a white aura glows from her body... it glows so much that i would want to melt then and there. am i lovestruck? enough. she might be reading, and i hope she won't know she's the one...

dreamt a lot
had another bunch of "weird" dreams, again. but as always, i forgot them the moment i get out of my bed, rather mat. actually a carpet under 3 rectangular mats under a big thin mat under an overly thin blanket (whew!).

mystery girl

i'm kinda fascinated with this girl. why? she's cute, very cute. i saw her pic last year pa. i'm not that into her, am i? 5 friendster users have her photos. not sure if she's really the one managing those accounts, or somebody who accessed her pics. but one was changed. then there were 4. one of those photos was with luis "lucky" manzano. i saw a lot of her pictures in boybastos recently. do you know her? please tell me her REAL name. just her name. please... thanx! ;)

blog transfer...complete!

2005-11-03T07:11:00.000+08:00

at last, it ended... it materialized... it happened. no more sleepless nights (over!) and bothered mind. but to those interested, you can still visit my Friendster blog.
i might plan to simultaneously post the same weblog here and there. well, just a plan... it could also not happen. oh, i am so happy!!! but i will end this post with a kinda sad poem. found this at deviantART - a great site featuring poems, pictures, and many more... for the deviants, by the deviants. hehe...

Why.

by ebumswrld, submitted nov 2 2005

I don't know why

but I love you

It seems so right,

it must be true.

I'd feel sorrowful

if you weren't here.

In my letters,

you're always "my dear".

In realityI wish i was yours,

but I'm not

and I'm the only one to blame.

I get to nervous,

I get to scared.

I couldn't do it,

even if i was dared.

You know i love you,

with all my heart.

I'll care for you forever,

even if we part.

It's in my system,

it's in my mind

to be with you

in a love entwined

mAssive miGration

2005-11-02T07:28:00.000+08:00

hi peeps! hope your having a good day, like me...

the following articles are posts from my friendster blog. they're quite a lot...

from now on, this site will be my main blog site.

quite interested? read on!

October 26, 2005

dreams... etc

roaring with rage
the other night (actually it was early morning) when i had this dream about me and my wife. weird, but my wife resembled the young vilma santos (wtf!). read on! but i think no one will be interested in this CRAP!
the dream: we were newlyweds, maybe a week or month had already past since then. we were happy, and our home was being built, almost finished. but a problem occurred, something that required legal undertaking to be solved. we were so desperate. without my knowledge, my wife sought help from an official, something like a development officer from the town hall. in exchange, she had to let the official ravish her body, that is, to have sex with him. and my wife did. i came to know all about this through a letter that official sent me (that bragging bastard!). he, through the letter, told me what happened... every detail, from the moment they met... what he did to her during sex... until she left the office. as i read, rage filled my heart (and i really felt it, the rage transcended from the dream to by body... really. i wonder why?). "i lovingly licked her 'tiara'," was the line from the letter that struck me (the tiara... its her.. pussy.. hehe). the rage was about to burst but... (i woke up! still feeling the rage, but slowly dissipating. then it was gone.) ANOTHER FUCKING WEIRD DREAM...

but had fun last night...
stayed awake till around midnight... listened to the radio (99.5 rt) from 11pm-midnight. it was the Guru! yup, listened to the 'temple of love' show by the great Guru Shibaker... (but i think SammY G and him are one and the same person... maybe i should call and ask sometime). ha! really fun to listen, especially those girl callers... they really have, umph, sexy voices. hmmm... i'm feeling naughty... bad boy!

the end of boredom
at last... classes will start soon! wtf! why am i feeling this way?! i should be sad about this... but... hmph! so bored here at home... no allowance... no girls... *sigh* you nasty jerk! ; )

October 23, 2005

darn! again...

still thinking of setting up another weblog.. actually, i already did.
but, i still think of continuing that deed... damn! i can't decide! and this makes me nuts that i can't post here the week that had gone by. grrrr...
hay, isa na namang walang kwentang tagpi ng aking buhay...
marahil, kelangan ko nang sumigaw ng... tulong!

October 15, 2005

sluggish day

darn! i'm supposed to post earlier this morning, but i didn't manage to due to drowsiness (i went to a birthday bash of a friend/former classmate; i got home around 2 am). instead of going to bed after changing clothes, i still got myself hooked, taking advantage of the free offpeak use of my card (bl@st offers free internet use from 12 midnight till 8 am - i think i should be paid for this 'promotion'... blah, blah). i updated the virus def'ns and downloaded the YM in the background while managing my emails, organizing my friendster account, and posting a testimonial for a friend. whew! i even slept, thinking that the download time would be long. i almost fully lulled myself to sleep to realize that i haven't shut my pC off! so i light-headedly woke up to see that the download finished and then turned it off. good night (or should i say, good morning? nah!).
then i was up 10:55 am. still feeling sleepy, but feeling hungry. i munched 3 julie's bakeshop 'mongo' muffins (again, i think i should be paid for this tag). then came lunch. i really, really felt full. and now, i'm typing this post... blah, my activities...
i'm thinking of setting up a new blog site, and abandoning this friendster blog. but... much work must be done, and i wouldn't waste my time doing that... maybe i'll settle for this one, for now. and i hope i wouldn't change my mind.

October 11, 2005

sa wakas!

hay... natapos din! my first semester is officially over! the chem finals was quite easy... just finished it for only 30 minutes! tama si ma'am, matatapos namin agad. ang saya!
exempted ako sa finals sa accounting! kaya nga lang hindi ko na-ace yung third exam dun... got 10 mistakes. late kasi ako that day tapos medyo bangag pa... tsk tsk tsk.
hay... bakasyon for less than a month... and i saw one of my classmate/crush for the last time today... hay... gonna miss her... sad my boyfriend na sya... ok lang. wala pa naman akong balak. happy dahil medyo close kami... and i got her numbers... (*edited* baka mabuko ako!) ang babaw... pero masaya! ayos!

October 7, 2005

entropy, society and universe

spontaneous processes happen with very little or no driving force. the concept of entropy... that spontaneous processes tend to move towards greater disorder. and since most of the processes in the universe are spontaneous, therefore the universe is moving towards greater disorder. and to move from disorder to order, an ample amount of force must be applied - a nonspontanoues process.
isn't it weird? every day, we are applying so much force to keep things in order, to keep the world in some sort of organization.
for example - my room (maybe yours too). i hardly notice that every single day, my room gets a little disorganized. after a week, i see the difference - my table messy, items in disarray, papers unevenly stacked. why? spontaneous process. i did my thing for the whole week, and things got disorganized. not that i intend it to, but it did. spontaneous process. then i have to exert force to put things back into place. nonspontaneous process. got it?
same thing with the world. immense force is used to enforce the law that keeps things in place. imagine...
but why go against spontaneity? why, if things will eventually go to greater disorder?
i perceive that we have done much to achieve order and the much coveted peace. and i perceive too that that we've only done much to move the world into greater disorder... like the universe.
[the higher being, if there is, must have consummed immense power to create order. but where did disorder come from?]

October 6, 2005

alang magawa

... sa kwarto

sembreak na... at wala akong magawa. pero may exam pa ako sa oct 11 at may group report pang gagawin. hay, buhay... kaya'y heto, nakatambay lang sa bahay. nakakainis, di ko masimulang malinis at maayos ang aking kwarto dahil di pa 'officially' tapos ang sem ko. puro alikabok na ang likod ng PC ko. naninilaw na. ang mga sunday newspapers, magulong naka-stack under my drawer. hay, nagkalat ang manipis na kumot ng alikabok! ako lang naman ang gumugamit sa kwarto, puro alikabok pa rin! kung wag ko na lang kaya gamitin???
hindi! hay... may topak na naman ako. kawawa naman ang comfort zone ko...
... kaya nananaginip na lang
ang weirdo ng mga napapanaginipan ko... kwento ko yung ilan, baka may info kayo sa bagay na lumalabas sa tulog kong kaisipan.
1) [eto yung pinakabago] nasa isang sinehan ako, sa loob ng isang military base. class ko raw yun sa environmental science (what!). nanood kami ng movie about famous military medics, etc. nang matapos ang palabas, nagkaroon ng discussion then uwian na. kinusap ako at ang groupmates ko later ng aming lalaking propesor na taga-military at binigyan ng assignment. mag-research daw kami about HEART, DONGO, AND BONGOON (tao sila) - kung ano ang naging contribution nila sa combat military medical operation. tapos may numbers - 1.35 at 5:2. nailista ko pa sa whiteboard ko, pero nakalimutan ko na ang ibig sabihin. (then i woke up)
2) naglilibot ako sa phase 3A (phase namin sa subdivision) isang araw (pero may konting pagkakaiba sa lugar namin), nang biglang magkaroon ng putukan. marami sila... parang mga goons, armado ng M-16 armalite rifles. nasa may tindahan ako noon, ako yung pinupuntirya nung tatlo. ako naman, tumakbo para makailag, papunta sa gilid ng tindahan. sumilip ako sa kabilang side, nakita ko yung lider nila, may hostage. then biglang sumulpot from nowhere ang isang babae. di ko siya kilala, eventually nakilala ko rin. si "marg" (hindi tunay n pangalan) pala, classmate at groupmate ko sa socio 10. maiikli kasi buhok niya dito. then... (i woke up) [ang ending... may ending 'to, di ko nga lang maalala kung ano. naiwan sa subconscious ko]
3) [pinaka-freaky] agent ako sa military. i have this buddy at escort kami ng isang high-ranking official na may access sa isang 'top secret' na bagay or tao, only those authorized ang pwedeng makakita nun. naglalakad kami sa isang kalsada, nasa harapan namin ang van kung nasaan ang 'top secret'. biglang may umatake sa amin, bullets rained on us. we tried to retaliate. but the enemy is nowhere to be found. then we rushed into a cave, or an underground HQ. me and my buddy were interrogated kasi during the gunfight, we accidentally saw 'top secret'. dahil iyon ay highly classified, any unauthorized people who accessed, saw, or even touched it, even by accident, must die. alam namin yun, SOP kasi. then and there, sa interrogation room, we must die, killed. a headshot will kill us. ang buddy ko ang naunang pinutukan sa ulo, mas handa kasi sya. then ako... mukhang totoo nga sabi nila - when you die, memories of your life will flash back. and it did. umangulngol ang putok. i felt darkness. i felt no more. walang soul. walang reincarnation. end of my existence... [then i woke up. malakas ang pintig ng puso ko. hinihingal. parang totoo. buti nagising ako.]
ilan lang ito sa mga panaginip ko. marami pa. pero konti lang ang naaalala ko paggising ko. saka pag bigla akong ginigising, nakakalimutan ko, kahit alalang-alala ko ang mga detalye nung tulog ako. if i can only unlock what my subconscious contains...

September 29, 2005

basura at pag-alala

ngayon, gagawa ako ng artikulo para sa aking "blog" na gamit ang wikang Filipino lamang. di man akma, sa tingin ko'y ayos naman...
kaasar na mga patalastas
bakit kaya ganun? ang mga patalastas na naglipana ngayon... hindi na nakasentro sa mismong produkto, kundi sa sosyal na intekaksyon sa napapaloob sa paggamit ng produkto. ang pokus ay umiikot sa mga posibilidad na pwedeng mangyari sa paggamit, paghawak, o kahit pagtingin sa isang produkto. at dahil nakakahalina ang ganitong tema, nasisiil ang kritisismo sa diwa ng mga konsyumer at manonood.
isang nakakinis ay ang mapanlinlang na mga mensaheng nais iparating ng mga patalastas na ito. "the world is mine" ng toyota fortuner; "get the axe effect" ng axe; "it's everything" ng toyota vios. mga mensaheng walang katotohanan. kung hindi man, (sa tingin ko'y) walang koneksyon tulad ng "lupit ever" ng nescafe. ano yung malupit?! anong klase bang promosyon yan.
hay... mga walang kwentang puna mula sa isang walang kwentang manonood.
katapusan
sa makalawa, opisyal na magtatapos ang unang semstre para sa taong pang-akademiko '05-'06. BAKASYON! ang dami kong mami-miss. ang mag-aral, ang aklatang sobrang lamig (lagi), mga kaklase, guro, kaibigan, at syempre ang aking (mga) sinta (crush) na walang puknat na nagpapaganda ng aking araw. kaya't heto, matetengga na naman sa pinakamamahal kong kwarto at bahay...
mag-isa na naman ako... sana may kahit papano... may magtext...

September 24, 2005

snobbish goodbye

a snob thought
what a snob i am! i can 'automatically' turn into one after a friendly encounter with other peeps. shet! sometimes it's my fault. well, the least thing i could do is smile and make myself look approachable. but it doesn't always work.
even people i have made some sort of contact with seem to shy away from me (or maybe i shy away from them). there is still some sort of divide though we already communicated with each other. grrr... people.
but it's ok. i respect them so i hope they also respect my attitude. i know, people are different. you can't change them to someone you want them to be. ohh... my angst...
the end is near...
one week to go before bakasyon! hay, happy-kinda-sad ako ngayon. happy coz pahinga na naman nang mahaba, wala nang alalahanin, at maaayos ko na uli ang nagulo kong kwarto. sad dahil goodbye muna sa friends and classmates, la nang allowance, at wala munang masisilayang mgae crush (kainis!). well ang bilis talaga ng panahon... at ang dami pang dapat gawin!!!!

September 9, 2005

all this time...

happy birthday!
yeah, right. happy birthday to me! this day is not so extraordinary anymore. it just came and passed by. greeting consoled me. thanks to those who greeted, remembered, or even just thought about it for a second. they're deeply appreciated. hay. i think my remembering my birthday is just to add a jolt to my plain, normal life... anyway, i'm happy to be like this... single and all!
but i got a surprise! an unexpected "gift," given by 'circumstances'. i always see her there at the mess hall and always thought of being with her. hay... sorry, i can't elaborate more, she might read this... oh what a tease! hahaha!
tuning off, bothering myself...
it now annoys me to watch early evening "news," if that's what people call it, due to the fact that there is nothing new anymore in our political slimate. same themes, same motives, same situations, but different actors. yes, actors, well most of them. bureaucrats are hard to find nowadays.
what must i do? i can't just head on to the streets to shout my sentiments for an upheaval. no! but it bothers me every moment i think about our country. i just can't throw away my thoughts, no.
having a good life
AIT makes me happy, my acads are doing fine, i have enough money, and i enjoy my freakin' single life! but i haven't enjoyed its full potential though. i still need to expand my social horizon, liven up my nights, and shed my seclusion to my home... right. but i can't just expand my horizon. certain obstacles hinder me from going out to places. even though, i enjoy my current state. and i will patiently wait for change to happen.

August 2, 2005

horny

wala lang... another facet of my person overpowers me. my heart thumps louder. i can feel my body rise from the ashes of my corrupting soul. yes... more and more, i feel like a maniac. shit. i am devoured by the materialism of this world, and i let it be, for i feel powerless against it, rather i enjoy the sensation of being overpowered. i know the this facet will persist to control me, but not the surge i feel at the moment...
then it happens...
... i was powerless again. it felt like every drop of life in me was consumed. but i cherished the feeling. then, i must put things to rest...

July 26, 2005

depressed

well, it's just an ego thing, but i feel depressed. why? nyah... acad stuff... bullshit.
ok naman yung chem, mataas naman. pero i was expecting more. shit, i was too overconfident.
how FOOLISH, DUMB, MORON, IMBECILE, IDIOT ASSHOLE i was this afternoon during the tour110 exam!!!!!!!!! tang'na! i hate myself at this moment... for being different. ang sabi yellow pad, YELLOW PAD!!!!!!! anong ginamit ko.... WHITE... WHITE!!! bakit? gusto ko eh. kasi yun ang meron ako sa bahay. bakit kasi ang gago ko?! pakshet! so instead of passing my paper, ipinasuyo ko sa seatmate ko to pass it along with hers. agad akong lumabas ng room sa takot.... oo, natakot ako. iniisip ko na lang... a lone set of white papers in a bunch of yellow. shet! i am doomed! or am i just being paranoid? huh?
iba talaga maging iba...
nakakadepress... dumagdag pa si gloria... ang bansa at mga bagay-bagay.

July 7, 2005

so far...

buhay-buhay
ayos naman ang buhay sa AIT. konti pa lang ang college friends. ewan ko ba, nahihirapan akong makipag-socialize, di ko tuloy mapalawak ang connections ko. basta! i need to do something!
hay naku...
reports, reports. ganito pala dito. ok lang. galingan ko na lang. medyo nakaka-recover na rin ako mentally at physically (ung operasyon ko). hay.
nicole
hay, nicole. yan ang lagi kong nasasambit pagbaba ng jeep sa tapat ng petron, sa may panulukan ng katipunan at aurora. hay nicole. ganda niya at ng smile nya. buti na lang at nandun ang malaking pond's billboard nya. ang gandang pambungad ng skul day!
she's on the cover ng july ish of T3. sana makabili ako... kung nakabili lang kasi ako ng feb ish ng UNO... may maike na rin sana ako...

June 30, 2005

loving or being loved???

paano nga ba? siguro nga wala lang akong magawa sa panahong ito kaya napatulan ko itong topic na ito. hindi may nabasa lang ako... so kung di nyo trip ang walang kwenta kong isunulat, click 'back' and read other posts.

falling in love... walang 'idiot's guide' para dito. kanya-kanyang diskarte na lang kung paano 'magfa-fall'.

di basta-basta dumarating ang love. some circumstances bring love. pero kung wala ka ring gagawin, di mo yun makukuha. di magkakaroon ng consequence kung walang cause di ba?

walang standard na sinusunod ang love. may kanya-kanyang standards ang mga taong involved. huwag nyong gagayahin ang mga napapanood sa tv kung di nyo feel gawin or kung gusto nyong gawin para lang magmukhang 'sweet'.

tao lang ang nagpapahirap sa sarili nila, hindi love.

napakamanhid, di ba... kung relative ang love, ba't ko pa to sinulat para basahin. wala lang... basta mahalaga, masaya tayong lahat! adieu!

June 24, 2005

... after the long break

hay, long break. nito lang kasi ako bumili ulit ng internet card. almost 2 weeks din akong 'unhooked'. hay...
crash into me...
sayang, di pa rin nare-recover ang mga files sa nag-crash kong hard drive. buti may nakita akong shop sa shopping center na may paskil na: "data recovery 434-7888". yun nga lang di ko pa napupuntahan o tinatawagan. siguro sa lunes ko gagawin. sayang kasi yun panahong binuno ko sa aking photo collection... ang gaganda pa naman...
back to skul!
back as a tourism stud. so far, okay naman. downside, i have to start all over again - establish new relationships, adjust to a new atmosphere, study a new course. ang upside naman - cute girls! harharhar! saka mababait ang mga staff dun. ika nga nila noong freshies, shiftees, and transferees' orientation - AIT is one big family...

Preview June ish 10th anniv

astig! it's worth my money. i even think i got more than what i expected. the photoshoots are really amazing. bea, iza, alex, anne, mariel, bianca, olivia, maike, kat, and cheska. ang theme kasi is they're TVs young stars. just wondering ba't nasama si cheska dun, e sa xtra challenge lang siya lumabas. sana si toni na lang, or amanda, even nicole. hay... nicole... buti may billboard ka sa katips.

May 31, 2005

cRash!!!

hay naku!!! pu#$%^&n@!!! kung kelan magpa-pasukan saka nag-crash hard drive ko!! gastos na naman! naaawa naa ako sa mama ko kasi daming gastos... bumili ng 2 gulong para sa fx. Php 1,015.09 na bill sa telepono (ang normal na bill di lalampas ng 700. kasalanan ko, nag-vibe kasi ako. bwisit na tax!). Php 1,552.25 naman sa kuryente (init kasi this summer!). tapos ang bagong seagate hard drive... Php 3,000! oh hindi!!!!!!
ang masaklap... baka di na makuha ung files sa lumang drive! huhuhu... ang files nung high skul (ung thesis!), files ng kapatid ko, kay mama (lalo na ang thesis nya), files ngayong college, mga wallpapers, pictures, at ung mga files... waaaaaa!!!!! baka di na ma-retrieve!!! sana lang, ipagdarasal ko, na magawang makuha yun ni kuya joel (ang technician na galing pang morong)... huhuhu...
but, looking at the bright side, 40GB na HD ko... malinis na uli ung system ko... wala nang mga spyware at adware... pero... i miss my filesss!!!
after all, let thy will be done... (seryoso... ewan.)

May 24, 2005

no turning back

at last, i formalized my shift from physics to tourism. i have the pertinent documents, just need to submit them before i enroll. grabe, ang hirap maglakad (literally)!
went to edsa central afterwards to buy the flip-flops i spotted two weeks ago sa IFU shop. sadly, size 9 wasn't available anymore... damn! in fairness, affordable yung buys dun... iba na lang siguro bibilin ko dun, pagbalik ko...

May 20, 2005

such a happy time

i made it!
last wednesday, i've been blessed, so blessed. fate (oh no!) gave in to my plan. i was accepted in tourism!!! hahaha! another chance to study in UP. another chance to prove myself to myself (ha?!), i mean to reedem my shattered self-esteem. hay, this darn ego thing... everything is slowly falling back into their place.
but missed.
today, after some arrangements in school, i planned to buy this month's issue of Chalk. shucks! it's bianca! but i missed it. darn, i missed it... anyway, i'm blessed... ; )
internet to sawa!
thanks blast! such a reaaly great promo! 12mn-2pm, all i need... highly recommended!
happy times... thanks!

May 13, 2005

bianca. bianca. bianca.

last night, i had a fateful encounter with bianca, again. humph... saw her in wazzup wazzup. really cool. got that flair in hosting. oh, how dazed i am!
she's on chalk's cover, sadly, with christian bautista. it would be a lot better if she's solo. cute face, nice tan, hearty smile. hay, mushy thoughts...
that's why i try to watch 'breakfast supersize.' she makes my day!
and the fantasy goes on...

May 12, 2005

hopes and fears

my academic life is in the balance. i filed shifting applications for tourism, public administration, and sociology. and this afternoon, i had my interview in tourism. i hope that i will be accepted. no! i PRAY that i will be accepted. it's weird, pero, i slowly nourish my re-growing faith. still, i fear being out of the 'accepted' list. hay...
though i applied in three courses, i already laid my cards for tourism.
i'm afraid. i don't want to leave UP!

May 8, 2005

... of life and death

in death...
the other night, i was going to be killed. i had seen a forbidden sight. i was taken, together with two 'sentenced' people, in a cave by a team of operatives. we were briefed that we would be killed by headshot.
my lungs cramped. i was dazed.
the moment came. i was the first to go. i tried to hesistate, but it must be done. i sighed. it felt oh so real, kahit sa panaginip lang...
or life
last night, i happened to watch "homerun" sa ABCinema. story of 2 siblings and their family... what a film... naaalala ko yung closing lines (yung thought na lang naalala ko, kakaisip kasi kagabi) "with our old shoes, we don't notice our problems. but with our new ones, can we now see them?"
hay, buhay. i have a lot to thank for...

May 5, 2005

brrrr.....

shucks! i woke up early today, hehe, just to be online... free kasi pag offpeak hours. hay... so bored na ako sa bahay, worse, wala pang pera. tsk,tsk,tsk (di kasi nag-summer). hay, i miss school, especially the girls...
last night,'paranioa' struck me... again.

April 28, 2005

dumb, silly ass night (funny though)

last night, i was listening to the radio while lulling myself to sleep. after the 10 Biggies (sa RT 'to) the DJ wanted to cheer up a sad listener online. so he cranked others to send corny, dumb, silly ass jokes. here were some i could remember before losing to sleep...
Q: who's the sister of barbie doll? A: kitchie na-doll...
Q: why is 6 afraid of 7? A: because 7 ate 9!
Q: which animal is bulletproof? A: pa-ting
sadly (or luckily), i was soon drifting out of consciousness... off for a new day!

April 26, 2005

another boring day...

yes... it's like this every day. i try to motivate myself to do something, yet, my body lags. i sit by my computer, try to delight myself. just delight, no satisfaction. brr... it's hard to act lazy during vacation...

April 21, 2005

mabuhay!

hay, my new blog...
i hope i could get things started here. darn, ang gulo ng ng mundo! lalo na ng buhay ko. ewan ko ba, pero alam ko. naghahanap na nga ako ng malilipatan, sana di ako masibak sa skul. hay, lintek! pero masaya pa rin kahit ganito na ang nangyayari. sna may mangyari...

whew! that's really loooong..... cheers!

2005-10-28T07:29:00.000+08:00

test 2

2005-10-20T17:18:00.000+08:00

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