flows...

awhrl.... so far, my holidays have been great. but not as great as my tongue (wtf?!). i've been munching lots of stuff lately... and cooking too. my tongue is somewhat sore, parang may maliit na hiwa sa gitna, i dunno. all the tastes seem to overwork my tongue, which is still good in tasting foods despite the 'problem'. grrr... one thing's for sure... i gained weight. darn!

crush
last night while on the road home from pangasinan...

[went to my mom's province yesterday to visit our relatives, give some gifts, and bring home some goods like rice, charcoal, veggies, and fruits; and we also attended the reunion of my mom's high school classmates - after 32 years! wow!]

... i saw the big big billboard of Nicole Hernandez at the NLE toll gate, going kalookan. i sighed. "haaayyy... nicole...", i whispered (as i always do when i see her anywhere). wala lang... the sight of her just makes my day (or night)!

letters

some outpours to certain peeps out there...

to 'ashley'

i love your name! it's just like... i wanna utter that name tirelessly. there's something in it that feels... spectacular, passionate. i just wonder how many [female] ashley's exist? no idea (duh?). such a beautiful name for such a sweet girl...

to 'nicole'

"hay, nicole..." you're such a beauty - the look, the face, the body, the charm. yeah, i'm just here looking at you from afar... a fan you will never know, a freakin' school guy preoccupied with other things...

to 'her whom i can't stare admiringly...'

i see you weekly, everytime i go to school. friends, yes... but a barrier seems to isolate me from you. i couldn't tell, 'coz you might know. we may get close, yet still too far... very far. i'm just a simple guy; you're out there exploring the world. you look sophisticated, or am i judging too quickly? maybe. maybe i saw you at the "not-so-right" time. wheew! i'll just have to settle and be content of how things are going... we'll see...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

quotes

i just scanned my notes and found some interesting quotes/statements i picked up from a news magazine and some TV shows. and here they go...

"Not a single tourist caught in the tsunami was mugged. Now with all this happenning in the United States we can easily say where the civilized part of the world's population is." Sajeewa Chinthaka, a 36-year-old Sri Lankan man, on the looting and crime in New Orleans after the hurricane.

- Newsweek. Vol. CXLVI, No. 11. September 12, 2005 © 2005 by Newsweek, Inc.

The most [and maybe the most powerful] invention of Man is the TV, because it bombards people's minds with lots of information, making them susceptible, or even a slave to it. The TV controls people eventually... The TV can be a religion. by the cult leader/comatose kid hacker, talking to Spike

- from the anime series Cowboy Bebop.

To end death is to end life. We call this life because it has an end. [That's why there is purpose.] To stop death is to have a single, fleeting existence. Death, talking to Piper, telling her the Charmed Ones could be messing up the 'Grand Design' by raising the dead or preventing death.

- from the TV series Charmed.

... and some thoughts that crossed my mind before i went to sleep last night...

"i have forgotten my past, ignored my present, and corrupted my future.

yet i persist to exist, barely living life... or even dying death."

***

"wala na akong maalala sa panahong lumipas

kundi ang maaliwalas mong mukha

na 'di ko makuhang tingnan sa malapitan."

Merry Christmas!!!

groggy...

hay... i arrived around 12 midnight earlier. now i'm still up (at home) typing this...
i went to my 4th yr high school classmates' party, somewhere in pasig (in St. Joseph... you know?). i arrived there around four. went home at eleven. got stuck in traffic. arrived midnight... whew! i feel exhausted...

as usual, kwentuhan, chikahan, pag-update sa buhay-buhay ng mga tao... grabe nga, information overload. ayos at madami ring pumunta. ang saya!

the food was plentiful - pork barbeque, some sushi, roasted chicken, grilled bangus, dunkin donuts munchkins, chocolate cake with pilsbury frosting, cheesy french fries, kakanin, my graham cake, buttered popcorn, caramel popcorn with pecans, and much more. yum yum... i really, really got my tummy full. drinks? aside from water, there were bottles of coca-cola, gran matador, guerrero (i think?), and emperador...

i wanted to mix coke and brandy but my classmate gave me a shot instead, then coke as the chaser... that really felt warm down the throat, and gave a a bit of kick... hmmm. i'm not used to it... groggyyyy.... nope, di naman ako nalasing dun. but one of us puked! ha!

but what made my night is the videoke machine!!! just after dinner, and being the group (of boys) that was near the machine, we started "singing" (sort of... maybe jamming). well, nagustuhan naman nila (i guess?). we belted out tunes of pare ko, toyang, this i promise you, prinsesa, kisapmata, elesi, delilah (huh?), paglisan, buloy... to name a few (few pa lang yan!). whew! baka bukas paos na ako!

that's fine, i had a great night anyway... hahaha!

another dose of fun from a repressed party-goer... ; p

erratic

some random toughts

she's out there, walkin' the world... i'm here, makin' my own.

the contrast, so evident.

the frequency, so little.

the possibility... unimaginable.

***

'tis better to see from afar...

i can stare all i want...

than see her up-close,

from the corner of my eyes.

***

again, i must secretly bid goodbye...

i know she won't hear.

2 weeks may be a short time...

oh how i long to see you soon!

wala lang

wanna post a quote sent by my friend, to which i replied. here it goes...

Love asked Teardrop:

why do most people always relates me to you?

Teardrop answered:

because liitle did you notice

that once you came along

i never failed to follow.. :'c

i replied:

Love again asked Teardrop:

but why do you always follow?

Teardrop replied:

i could be their release...

of your wonderful magic

or

your tragic spell.. :'c

a re-post from Friendster
ASTERISK TEST
[*] i have a cell phone.
[] i have friends that use me.
[] i am an only child.
[*] i love dangly earrings. [na suot ng girl]
[*] i love cold weather.
[*] i'm obsessed with the computer. [di mashado]
[] i have shot a gun before.
[*] i can't live without music.
[] i have no tolerance of ignorant people.
[*] i have ridden on a motorcycle before.
[] i'll be in this town forever.
[] i've been to 5 other countries.
[] i get annoyed easily.
[*] i eventually want kids. [naman!]
[] i have neat handwriting.
[*] i have more than a few horrible memories.
[*]i am addicted to chocolate. [pag my craving]
[]i am an atheist. [hmmm...]
[*] i love airplane rides. [miss ko takeoff]
[*] i love taking pictures. [pero 'la cam]
[*] i dislike people who are fake.
[*] i can be mean when i want to.
[*] my parents care about my grades. [noon..]
[*] one of my best friends is a girl.
[] i have too many wallets.[2 lng]
[*] i'm obsessed with lip gloss. [pag dry lips ko]
[*] i am easy to talk to.
[] i would never eat raw fish. [tried once]
[] i cry easily.
[] i hate when people are late.
[*] i procrastinate. [lalo pag papers]
[] i love winter.
[] i have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
[*] i love to sleep.
[] i wish i were smarter. ['yoko]
[] i'm afraid of flying.
[*] i hate drama. [yung alang sense]
[] i bite my nails. [never!]
[] i have been on an 8 hour drive.
[] i never fight with my parents.
[*] i love the beach.
[] i have never had the chicken pox.
[*] i have gone out in public in my pajamas. [nung elementary..mghapon sa skul,pajama suot ko!]
[] i can't control my emotions.
[*] i have a best friend.
[] i have moved more than once.
[*] i truly love my friends.
[] i have (had) braces. [plan to..sana]
[] i have never broken a bone.
[] i hate my computer.
[] i love girls that play the drums. [don't know]
[*] i state the obvious.
[*] i'm a happy person.
[*] i love to dance. [sa bahay]
[*] i love to sing. [sa kwarto]
[*] i love cleaning my room. [lalo after ng sem]
[*] i tend to get jealous very easily. [dun sa umaaligid sa crush ko,kung meron..pero alam ko nmng ala ako karapatan.hu!]
[] i love cute underwear.
[*] i love night better than day.
[] i don't like to study for tests. [hay, nku!]
[] i have been on the phone for over 5 hours. [di ko sure...baka 3]
[*] i am too forgiving.
[] i have horrible sense of direction.
[*] i miss elementary/highschool school.
[] i'm a daddy's boy/girl.
[] i love the color white.
[*] i love to sew. [pag me sira gamit ko]
[] my eye color changes.
[] i should see a therapist.
[*] i played on a guy sports team.
[] i become stressed easily.
[*] i hate/detest liars.
[] i love the smell of rain.
[*] i love my family.
[]i am a perfectionist.
[*] i always wanted to learn to play the drums.
[] i hate the feeling of failure.
[] i have friends in other countries.
[*] i know how to cook. [love ko rin!]
[] i can be quite selfish.
[*] Most of the time, i still act like a little kid.
[] i have food allergies.
[*] i love to read.
[] i wish i were more motivated for school.
[*] i love getting stuff in the mail.
[*] i have problems with letting go of old feelings.
[] i hate being alone.
[*] i love summer.
[*] i love the weekends.
[] i love black eyeliner.
[] i think I'm a looker.
[] i type with one hand.
[*] i live in a one story house.
[] i wear make-up. -- i have to...
[] i have never rode on an underground subway.
[*] i can't swim. [float lang]
[*] i have bad memories.
[*] i go to church.
[*] i sing in the shower.
[] i hate cheerleaders.
[] i usually get what i want.
[*] i have been on stage before. [n times]
[] i love roller coasters.
[*] no one knows the full story of my life.
[*] i am close to my parents. [mom]
[] i don't have a curfew.
[] i get lunch and dinner mixed up all the time

; P

Tell-tale stories

hay, daming nangyari... ang tagal ko mag-post. ewan. read on!

the godfather
december 18 '05, sunday - i attended the christening of my very first inaanak in concepcion church, marikina. she's so cute! actually her mother is my cousin on my mother's side. she's really so cute!!! i thought it will be a hassle to be a godfather, but hey, it doesn't seem so... at least for now.

shopping madness
grabe! ang sarap mamili!
went to SM megamall last saturday, december 17, 2005. i arrived around 11:30 am, then i went to the converse megasale in megatrade hall 3. luckily i happened to glance their ad the other night at MTV. the sale was great! i stayed there for an our to assess what i will buy. then, i scoured the mall, from the 5th up to the LG of Blg B. the "scouring" ended around 2 pm. then i ate my lunch at dunkin donuts - one choco wacko, one honey-dipped, and a cup of hot chocolate - while waitin' for mom. 2 minutes after i sat to eat, she came. then we started to shop. my mom got 3 bags and a pair of shoes. then we went to the converse megasale around 4 pm. we got out at around 5 pm. whew! so many peeps! we got a pair of shoe (for me), and 6 set of tees (2 for me, 1 each for mom, little bro, kid neighbor, and someone else).
i'm so happy! and i also feel consumed... kahit na masaya naman!

damn exam...
but gladly, it was just a piece of cake (yabang!). yes, the economics 100.1 (macroecon) scheduled the exam the day after (dec 16) the glorious lantern parade (dec 15) in UPD. darn! i could've spent more time there with friends/classmates... sayang talaga.

activities galore
december 15 '05, thursday - i starred the day with a 'fun' party in my tourism 120 class. my golly, i ate a lot! the food... food for the gods (thanks to ma'am rodriguez), small hotdogs, black forest cake, lutong bahay spaghetti, puto, goldilocks ensaymada, and softdrinks... so yummy! so much calories (boooo)!
the exchange gift was different, and fun (thanks to kuya dennis). small sheets of paper were numbered. then we drew lots. the person who got number 1 gets to pick a gift he/she wants. then it's #2s turn. the person could pick a gift from the pile or get the gift #1 got. then #3. again she could pick one from the pile or get what #1 or #2 got... and so on. astig noh?

i would want to stay there, but olive and i must rush to the darn economics lecture class. but i ended up alone going there. she just dropped off to her dormitory, tinatamad na kasi saka patapos na rin yung klase. nadatnan ko na alng dun sa econ, naglalaro sila, pagalingan sa pagkanta.. ewan.

then i went to the Palma hall (AS) to meet my classmate (blockmates?) there to watch the '05 Oblation Run. yes i did! i've been doing that since my freshie year. but this time, i'm in front. i used to wtach kasi in the back, where all i see are butts, arms, masks, roses. now, i saw everything! but i was disapppointed and poked fun on the 'runners.' "so small, it could've been bigger" i thought. aww well, i was harsh yes... just realized it when i went home... i'm sorry.

again i went to the the darn economics class, this time the discussion class, from 2pm-3pm. (pasensya ulit kay she, naiwan ka sa labas.) we just reviewed for the darn exam tomorrow... blah blah... finally natapos din yung klase!

again i met my classmates in front of economics building while waiting for the lantern parade... then we transferred in front of the vinzon's... but sadly, i must go... i still have an exam tomorrow. bwisit! huhuhu... so i bid goodbye, and left for home...


and that's the wrap-up of my activities the past days... MERRY CHRISTMAS!

the 'smile' experiment

last night, while me and my brother were reading books, a crazy thought crossed my mind. "i'll smile." then my brother saw me, he didn't mind it at first. but later, he said, "stop it. i'm feeling uneasy!" he occasionaly laughs when he looks at me. i just continued to smile. "stop doing that," he insisted. but i didn't falter. i asked, "what's wrong with my smile?" he just laughed. and because of the uneasiness, he left to go to sleep. later i followed to fix my "bed," still smiling. he would peek from the blanket and giggle, because i'm still smiling. soon, i was giggling myself. i quickly finished my "bed," then went out to watch TV.

that act made me think... "yes, i smile to seldom here at home. that made my brother, and maybe me, uneasy."

who's afraid of death?

maybe i am. this uneasy feeling surged last thursday, during my biology 1 class, around 5pm...

more of this on tuesday. i am running out of time...

*update* 09-Dec-05

damn! i failed to update last tuesday. obvious ba?

ok. so that day, during my biology class, we watched a video - "understanding sex."

ano koneksyon?

i don't know.

well, the show biologically, socially, and psychologically explained SEX. of course minus the sexual heat, passion and other related stuff. then, thoughts rammed my head.

"what's my age again? yes, i just turned 19 last september. soon, i'll be 20.. 21.. 22.. n-1... n."

i thought it was over, but...

"when will i die? what is it like to die? what would i feel? will my precious memories be gone? will i go to another level of existence? or will death cease my existence, from here and beyond? how longer will i be able to cherish my existence, manipulate my life, satisfy myself, and LOVE OTHER PEOPLE?"

such and other similar thoughts still bother my head. i'm tired. maybe afraid. afraid that won't remember how my life went, what happenned, and most of all - HOW and WHY i LOVED WHO.

happy tummy

yum yum! a tasteful meal i prepared yesterday for lunch. "pina-upong manok," that's how we call it (i wonder why - eh nakatihaya or nakadapa yung manok). basically, it's whole chicken stuffed with lemon grass (tanglad) and dried oregano, cooked in its marinade (1 can 7-UP, soy sauce, sugar, crushed pepper, peppercorns, salt). i cooked it for almost 2 hours and we ate at 1 pm. just imagine the craving! we'll the experiment turned to be very good... so much for food...