flows...

awhrl.... so far, my holidays have been great. but not as great as my tongue (wtf?!). i've been munching lots of stuff lately... and cooking too. my tongue is somewhat sore, parang may maliit na hiwa sa gitna, i dunno. all the tastes seem to overwork my tongue, which is still good in tasting foods despite the 'problem'. grrr... one thing's for sure... i gained weight. darn!

crush
last night while on the road home from pangasinan...

[went to my mom's province yesterday to visit our relatives, give some gifts, and bring home some goods like rice, charcoal, veggies, and fruits; and we also attended the reunion of my mom's high school classmates - after 32 years! wow!]

... i saw the big big billboard of Nicole Hernandez at the NLE toll gate, going kalookan. i sighed. "haaayyy... nicole...", i whispered (as i always do when i see her anywhere). wala lang... the sight of her just makes my day (or night)!

letters

some outpours to certain peeps out there...

to 'ashley'

i love your name! it's just like... i wanna utter that name tirelessly. there's something in it that feels... spectacular, passionate. i just wonder how many [female] ashley's exist? no idea (duh?). such a beautiful name for such a sweet girl...

to 'nicole'

"hay, nicole..." you're such a beauty - the look, the face, the body, the charm. yeah, i'm just here looking at you from afar... a fan you will never know, a freakin' school guy preoccupied with other things...

to 'her whom i can't stare admiringly...'

i see you weekly, everytime i go to school. friends, yes... but a barrier seems to isolate me from you. i couldn't tell, 'coz you might know. we may get close, yet still too far... very far. i'm just a simple guy; you're out there exploring the world. you look sophisticated, or am i judging too quickly? maybe. maybe i saw you at the "not-so-right" time. wheew! i'll just have to settle and be content of how things are going... we'll see...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

quotes

i just scanned my notes and found some interesting quotes/statements i picked up from a news magazine and some TV shows. and here they go...

"Not a single tourist caught in the tsunami was mugged. Now with all this happenning in the United States we can easily say where the civilized part of the world's population is." Sajeewa Chinthaka, a 36-year-old Sri Lankan man, on the looting and crime in New Orleans after the hurricane.

- Newsweek. Vol. CXLVI, No. 11. September 12, 2005 © 2005 by Newsweek, Inc.

The most [and maybe the most powerful] invention of Man is the TV, because it bombards people's minds with lots of information, making them susceptible, or even a slave to it. The TV controls people eventually... The TV can be a religion. by the cult leader/comatose kid hacker, talking to Spike

- from the anime series Cowboy Bebop.

To end death is to end life. We call this life because it has an end. [That's why there is purpose.] To stop death is to have a single, fleeting existence. Death, talking to Piper, telling her the Charmed Ones could be messing up the 'Grand Design' by raising the dead or preventing death.

- from the TV series Charmed.

... and some thoughts that crossed my mind before i went to sleep last night...

"i have forgotten my past, ignored my present, and corrupted my future.

yet i persist to exist, barely living life... or even dying death."

***

"wala na akong maalala sa panahong lumipas

kundi ang maaliwalas mong mukha

na 'di ko makuhang tingnan sa malapitan."

Merry Christmas!!!

groggy...

hay... i arrived around 12 midnight earlier. now i'm still up (at home) typing this...
i went to my 4th yr high school classmates' party, somewhere in pasig (in St. Joseph... you know?). i arrived there around four. went home at eleven. got stuck in traffic. arrived midnight... whew! i feel exhausted...

as usual, kwentuhan, chikahan, pag-update sa buhay-buhay ng mga tao... grabe nga, information overload. ayos at madami ring pumunta. ang saya!

the food was plentiful - pork barbeque, some sushi, roasted chicken, grilled bangus, dunkin donuts munchkins, chocolate cake with pilsbury frosting, cheesy french fries, kakanin, my graham cake, buttered popcorn, caramel popcorn with pecans, and much more. yum yum... i really, really got my tummy full. drinks? aside from water, there were bottles of coca-cola, gran matador, guerrero (i think?), and emperador...

i wanted to mix coke and brandy but my classmate gave me a shot instead, then coke as the chaser... that really felt warm down the throat, and gave a a bit of kick... hmmm. i'm not used to it... groggyyyy.... nope, di naman ako nalasing dun. but one of us puked! ha!

but what made my night is the videoke machine!!! just after dinner, and being the group (of boys) that was near the machine, we started "singing" (sort of... maybe jamming). well, nagustuhan naman nila (i guess?). we belted out tunes of pare ko, toyang, this i promise you, prinsesa, kisapmata, elesi, delilah (huh?), paglisan, buloy... to name a few (few pa lang yan!). whew! baka bukas paos na ako!

that's fine, i had a great night anyway... hahaha!

another dose of fun from a repressed party-goer... ; p

erratic

some random toughts

she's out there, walkin' the world... i'm here, makin' my own.

the contrast, so evident.

the frequency, so little.

the possibility... unimaginable.

***

'tis better to see from afar...

i can stare all i want...

than see her up-close,

from the corner of my eyes.

***

again, i must secretly bid goodbye...

i know she won't hear.

2 weeks may be a short time...

oh how i long to see you soon!

wala lang

wanna post a quote sent by my friend, to which i replied. here it goes...

Love asked Teardrop:

why do most people always relates me to you?

Teardrop answered:

because liitle did you notice

that once you came along

i never failed to follow.. :'c

i replied:

Love again asked Teardrop:

but why do you always follow?

Teardrop replied:

i could be their release...

of your wonderful magic

or

your tragic spell.. :'c

a re-post from Friendster
ASTERISK TEST
[*] i have a cell phone.
[] i have friends that use me.
[] i am an only child.
[*] i love dangly earrings. [na suot ng girl]
[*] i love cold weather.
[*] i'm obsessed with the computer. [di mashado]
[] i have shot a gun before.
[*] i can't live without music.
[] i have no tolerance of ignorant people.
[*] i have ridden on a motorcycle before.
[] i'll be in this town forever.
[] i've been to 5 other countries.
[] i get annoyed easily.
[*] i eventually want kids. [naman!]
[] i have neat handwriting.
[*] i have more than a few horrible memories.
[*]i am addicted to chocolate. [pag my craving]
[]i am an atheist. [hmmm...]
[*] i love airplane rides. [miss ko takeoff]
[*] i love taking pictures. [pero 'la cam]
[*] i dislike people who are fake.
[*] i can be mean when i want to.
[*] my parents care about my grades. [noon..]
[*] one of my best friends is a girl.
[] i have too many wallets.[2 lng]
[*] i'm obsessed with lip gloss. [pag dry lips ko]
[*] i am easy to talk to.
[] i would never eat raw fish. [tried once]
[] i cry easily.
[] i hate when people are late.
[*] i procrastinate. [lalo pag papers]
[] i love winter.
[] i have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
[*] i love to sleep.
[] i wish i were smarter. ['yoko]
[] i'm afraid of flying.
[*] i hate drama. [yung alang sense]
[] i bite my nails. [never!]
[] i have been on an 8 hour drive.
[] i never fight with my parents.
[*] i love the beach.
[] i have never had the chicken pox.
[*] i have gone out in public in my pajamas. [nung elementary..mghapon sa skul,pajama suot ko!]
[] i can't control my emotions.
[*] i have a best friend.
[] i have moved more than once.
[*] i truly love my friends.
[] i have (had) braces. [plan to..sana]
[] i have never broken a bone.
[] i hate my computer.
[] i love girls that play the drums. [don't know]
[*] i state the obvious.
[*] i'm a happy person.
[*] i love to dance. [sa bahay]
[*] i love to sing. [sa kwarto]
[*] i love cleaning my room. [lalo after ng sem]
[*] i tend to get jealous very easily. [dun sa umaaligid sa crush ko,kung meron..pero alam ko nmng ala ako karapatan.hu!]
[] i love cute underwear.
[*] i love night better than day.
[] i don't like to study for tests. [hay, nku!]
[] i have been on the phone for over 5 hours. [di ko sure...baka 3]
[*] i am too forgiving.
[] i have horrible sense of direction.
[*] i miss elementary/highschool school.
[] i'm a daddy's boy/girl.
[] i love the color white.
[*] i love to sew. [pag me sira gamit ko]
[] my eye color changes.
[] i should see a therapist.
[*] i played on a guy sports team.
[] i become stressed easily.
[*] i hate/detest liars.
[] i love the smell of rain.
[*] i love my family.
[]i am a perfectionist.
[*] i always wanted to learn to play the drums.
[] i hate the feeling of failure.
[] i have friends in other countries.
[*] i know how to cook. [love ko rin!]
[] i can be quite selfish.
[*] Most of the time, i still act like a little kid.
[] i have food allergies.
[*] i love to read.
[] i wish i were more motivated for school.
[*] i love getting stuff in the mail.
[*] i have problems with letting go of old feelings.
[] i hate being alone.
[*] i love summer.
[*] i love the weekends.
[] i love black eyeliner.
[] i think I'm a looker.
[] i type with one hand.
[*] i live in a one story house.
[] i wear make-up. -- i have to...
[] i have never rode on an underground subway.
[*] i can't swim. [float lang]
[*] i have bad memories.
[*] i go to church.
[*] i sing in the shower.
[] i hate cheerleaders.
[] i usually get what i want.
[*] i have been on stage before. [n times]
[] i love roller coasters.
[*] no one knows the full story of my life.
[*] i am close to my parents. [mom]
[] i don't have a curfew.
[] i get lunch and dinner mixed up all the time

; P

Tell-tale stories

hay, daming nangyari... ang tagal ko mag-post. ewan. read on!

the godfather
december 18 '05, sunday - i attended the christening of my very first inaanak in concepcion church, marikina. she's so cute! actually her mother is my cousin on my mother's side. she's really so cute!!! i thought it will be a hassle to be a godfather, but hey, it doesn't seem so... at least for now.

shopping madness
grabe! ang sarap mamili!
went to SM megamall last saturday, december 17, 2005. i arrived around 11:30 am, then i went to the converse megasale in megatrade hall 3. luckily i happened to glance their ad the other night at MTV. the sale was great! i stayed there for an our to assess what i will buy. then, i scoured the mall, from the 5th up to the LG of Blg B. the "scouring" ended around 2 pm. then i ate my lunch at dunkin donuts - one choco wacko, one honey-dipped, and a cup of hot chocolate - while waitin' for mom. 2 minutes after i sat to eat, she came. then we started to shop. my mom got 3 bags and a pair of shoes. then we went to the converse megasale around 4 pm. we got out at around 5 pm. whew! so many peeps! we got a pair of shoe (for me), and 6 set of tees (2 for me, 1 each for mom, little bro, kid neighbor, and someone else).
i'm so happy! and i also feel consumed... kahit na masaya naman!

damn exam...
but gladly, it was just a piece of cake (yabang!). yes, the economics 100.1 (macroecon) scheduled the exam the day after (dec 16) the glorious lantern parade (dec 15) in UPD. darn! i could've spent more time there with friends/classmates... sayang talaga.

activities galore
december 15 '05, thursday - i starred the day with a 'fun' party in my tourism 120 class. my golly, i ate a lot! the food... food for the gods (thanks to ma'am rodriguez), small hotdogs, black forest cake, lutong bahay spaghetti, puto, goldilocks ensaymada, and softdrinks... so yummy! so much calories (boooo)!
the exchange gift was different, and fun (thanks to kuya dennis). small sheets of paper were numbered. then we drew lots. the person who got number 1 gets to pick a gift he/she wants. then it's #2s turn. the person could pick a gift from the pile or get the gift #1 got. then #3. again she could pick one from the pile or get what #1 or #2 got... and so on. astig noh?

i would want to stay there, but olive and i must rush to the darn economics lecture class. but i ended up alone going there. she just dropped off to her dormitory, tinatamad na kasi saka patapos na rin yung klase. nadatnan ko na alng dun sa econ, naglalaro sila, pagalingan sa pagkanta.. ewan.

then i went to the Palma hall (AS) to meet my classmate (blockmates?) there to watch the '05 Oblation Run. yes i did! i've been doing that since my freshie year. but this time, i'm in front. i used to wtach kasi in the back, where all i see are butts, arms, masks, roses. now, i saw everything! but i was disapppointed and poked fun on the 'runners.' "so small, it could've been bigger" i thought. aww well, i was harsh yes... just realized it when i went home... i'm sorry.

again i went to the the darn economics class, this time the discussion class, from 2pm-3pm. (pasensya ulit kay she, naiwan ka sa labas.) we just reviewed for the darn exam tomorrow... blah blah... finally natapos din yung klase!

again i met my classmates in front of economics building while waiting for the lantern parade... then we transferred in front of the vinzon's... but sadly, i must go... i still have an exam tomorrow. bwisit! huhuhu... so i bid goodbye, and left for home...


and that's the wrap-up of my activities the past days... MERRY CHRISTMAS!

the 'smile' experiment

last night, while me and my brother were reading books, a crazy thought crossed my mind. "i'll smile." then my brother saw me, he didn't mind it at first. but later, he said, "stop it. i'm feeling uneasy!" he occasionaly laughs when he looks at me. i just continued to smile. "stop doing that," he insisted. but i didn't falter. i asked, "what's wrong with my smile?" he just laughed. and because of the uneasiness, he left to go to sleep. later i followed to fix my "bed," still smiling. he would peek from the blanket and giggle, because i'm still smiling. soon, i was giggling myself. i quickly finished my "bed," then went out to watch TV.

that act made me think... "yes, i smile to seldom here at home. that made my brother, and maybe me, uneasy."

who's afraid of death?

maybe i am. this uneasy feeling surged last thursday, during my biology 1 class, around 5pm...

more of this on tuesday. i am running out of time...

*update* 09-Dec-05

damn! i failed to update last tuesday. obvious ba?

ok. so that day, during my biology class, we watched a video - "understanding sex."

ano koneksyon?

i don't know.

well, the show biologically, socially, and psychologically explained SEX. of course minus the sexual heat, passion and other related stuff. then, thoughts rammed my head.

"what's my age again? yes, i just turned 19 last september. soon, i'll be 20.. 21.. 22.. n-1... n."

i thought it was over, but...

"when will i die? what is it like to die? what would i feel? will my precious memories be gone? will i go to another level of existence? or will death cease my existence, from here and beyond? how longer will i be able to cherish my existence, manipulate my life, satisfy myself, and LOVE OTHER PEOPLE?"

such and other similar thoughts still bother my head. i'm tired. maybe afraid. afraid that won't remember how my life went, what happenned, and most of all - HOW and WHY i LOVED WHO.

happy tummy

yum yum! a tasteful meal i prepared yesterday for lunch. "pina-upong manok," that's how we call it (i wonder why - eh nakatihaya or nakadapa yung manok). basically, it's whole chicken stuffed with lemon grass (tanglad) and dried oregano, cooked in its marinade (1 can 7-UP, soy sauce, sugar, crushed pepper, peppercorns, salt). i cooked it for almost 2 hours and we ate at 1 pm. just imagine the craving! we'll the experiment turned to be very good... so much for food...

ako ito!

hay... this is the last day of my 5-day weekend, from friday until today. tomorrow and on thursday i'll have classes. then another long wekeend! but the regular one - 3 days. i have so much to do, but i accomplished little. ha! damn laziness...

last sunday night (around 10pm 'till 12 midnight), i tuned in to 99.5 RT's Sunday Sessions - featuring the hayup (read:astig/great/whatever) BROWNBEAT ALL STARS! (clap clap clap clap)... astig talaga, lalo na si ate Skarlet (close kami!), formerly myra _____ of pu3ska. biro nyo, nagsulat ng kanta sa delivery room! manganganak na kasi siya noon kay maru (name ng anak nya, sana tama ang ispeling). daming binigay na tip about songwriting at paglalapat ng nota. i think i gonna listen more often every sunday...

of course they jammed too! and one of their songs struck me (ouch!). i was "AKO ITO", and the chorus tells that you need to know things about you, understand yourself, and love yourself before you could extend yourself to others - which is quite true. but i took the message in the concept of 'romantically' loving another person.

yes, i must understand 'me' before falling again. especially now, that i am confused with this girl... hay...

p.s. 'jansen and pepper' may be delayed 'till the holiday vacation. have a nice day!

read... then decipher

after some cumbersome thinking and evolving curiosity, i will try to read rick warren's "enlightening book" called THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE... heck... i know i shunned that book coz i know it's not for me in any way - another book about self-fulfillment that tells you to do things to have a more 'purposeful' life... blah blah. i am not a devout faithful anymore (i think i had never been one). is this the reason? no. i just want to know what the book is all about, and avoid the possible influences it might bear on me. to read as if it's a literary piece. that's all...

i wonder... why sell such book (and other similar titles) for a price? i think they might say finding one's purpose is worth every penny (peso) and you will gain much more than what you gave, greater than anything you could receive on earth (salvation).

yes, everything has a cost, and finding one's purpose also has, i think. but guiding others to salvation, again i think, should be done as an act of mercy and humanity, asking for nothing in return... to be delighted and content to see others 'saved'.

another 'selfish' percpetion of mine...

lovestruck?!

is this it or am i just confused

well i saw her again this week... i really would want to melt from what i felt that day! her smile, her look, her hair... gggrrrr. i know something's different in me, the time i least expect i could happen... not now! but it seems like... i would want to "fall" again.

darn, i'm really confused! i'm messing with my priorities, and this thing isn't part of it... or maybe the last on my list!

huhuhu... now i should ponder upon this icky thing. and i hope time and fate are on my side...

the story

i'll be trying to write something out of my encounters with this girl. it will be "the story of jansen and pepper." well, that would be the working title. of course it'll be changed! maybe i'll post the story around next week or later... just keep visiting! ;)

a week that was!

hay... why do i feel it's sooo drag to post! damn... just... whatever!

i saw her again!
gosh, she's so beautiful, captivating, and radiant! as if a white aura glows from her body... it glows so much that i would want to melt then and there. am i lovestruck? enough. she might be reading, and i hope she won't know she's the one...

dreamt a lot
had another bunch of "weird" dreams, again. but as always, i forgot them the moment i get out of my bed, rather mat. actually a carpet under 3 rectangular mats under a big thin mat under an overly thin blanket (whew!).

mystery girl

i'm kinda fascinated with this girl. why? she's cute, very cute. i saw her pic last year pa. i'm not that into her, am i? 5 friendster users have her photos. not sure if she's really the one managing those accounts, or somebody who accessed her pics. but one was changed. then there were 4. one of those photos was with luis "lucky" manzano. i saw a lot of her pictures in boybastos recently. do you know her? please tell me her REAL name. just her name. please... thanx! ;)

blog transfer...complete!

at last, it ended... it materialized... it happened. no more sleepless nights (over!) and bothered mind. but to those interested, you can still visit my Friendster blog.
i might plan to simultaneously post the same weblog here and there. well, just a plan... it could also not happen. oh, i am so happy!!! but i will end this post with a kinda sad poem. found this at deviantART - a great site featuring poems, pictures, and many more... for the deviants, by the deviants. hehe...

Why.

by ebumswrld, submitted nov 2 2005

I don't know why

but I love you

It seems so right,

it must be true.

I'd feel sorrowful

if you weren't here.

In my letters,

you're always "my dear".

In realityI wish i was yours,

but I'm not

and I'm the only one to blame.

I get to nervous,

I get to scared.

I couldn't do it,

even if i was dared.

You know i love you,

with all my heart.

I'll care for you forever,

even if we part.

It's in my system,

it's in my mind

to be with you

in a love entwined

mAssive miGration

hi peeps! hope your having a good day, like me...

the following articles are posts from my friendster blog. they're quite a lot...

from now on, this site will be my main blog site.

quite interested? read on!

October 26, 2005

dreams... etc

roaring with rage
the other night (actually it was early morning) when i had this dream about me and my wife. weird, but my wife resembled the young vilma santos (wtf!). read on! but i think no one will be interested in this CRAP!
the dream: we were newlyweds, maybe a week or month had already past since then. we were happy, and our home was being built, almost finished. but a problem occurred, something that required legal undertaking to be solved. we were so desperate. without my knowledge, my wife sought help from an official, something like a development officer from the town hall. in exchange, she had to let the official ravish her body, that is, to have sex with him. and my wife did. i came to know all about this through a letter that official sent me (that bragging bastard!). he, through the letter, told me what happened... every detail, from the moment they met... what he did to her during sex... until she left the office. as i read, rage filled my heart (and i really felt it, the rage transcended from the dream to by body... really. i wonder why?). "i lovingly licked her 'tiara'," was the line from the letter that struck me (the tiara... its her.. pussy.. hehe). the rage was about to burst but... (i woke up! still feeling the rage, but slowly dissipating. then it was gone.) ANOTHER FUCKING WEIRD DREAM...

but had fun last night...
stayed awake till around midnight... listened to the radio (99.5 rt) from 11pm-midnight. it was the Guru! yup, listened to the 'temple of love' show by the great Guru Shibaker... (but i think SammY G and him are one and the same person... maybe i should call and ask sometime). ha! really fun to listen, especially those girl callers... they really have, umph, sexy voices. hmmm... i'm feeling naughty... bad boy!

the end of boredom
at last... classes will start soon! wtf! why am i feeling this way?! i should be sad about this... but... hmph! so bored here at home... no allowance... no girls... *sigh* you nasty jerk! ; )

October 23, 2005

darn! again...

still thinking of setting up another weblog.. actually, i already did.
but, i still think of continuing that deed... damn! i can't decide! and this makes me nuts that i can't post here the week that had gone by. grrrr...
hay, isa na namang walang kwentang tagpi ng aking buhay...
marahil, kelangan ko nang sumigaw ng... tulong!

October 15, 2005

sluggish day

darn! i'm supposed to post earlier this morning, but i didn't manage to due to drowsiness (i went to a birthday bash of a friend/former classmate; i got home around 2 am). instead of going to bed after changing clothes, i still got myself hooked, taking advantage of the free offpeak use of my card (bl@st offers free internet use from 12 midnight till 8 am - i think i should be paid for this 'promotion'... blah, blah). i updated the virus def'ns and downloaded the YM in the background while managing my emails, organizing my friendster account, and posting a testimonial for a friend. whew! i even slept, thinking that the download time would be long. i almost fully lulled myself to sleep to realize that i haven't shut my pC off! so i light-headedly woke up to see that the download finished and then turned it off. good night (or should i say, good morning? nah!).
then i was up 10:55 am. still feeling sleepy, but feeling hungry. i munched 3 julie's bakeshop 'mongo' muffins (again, i think i should be paid for this tag). then came lunch. i really, really felt full. and now, i'm typing this post... blah, my activities...
i'm thinking of setting up a new blog site, and abandoning this friendster blog. but... much work must be done, and i wouldn't waste my time doing that... maybe i'll settle for this one, for now. and i hope i wouldn't change my mind.

October 11, 2005

sa wakas!

hay... natapos din! my first semester is officially over! the chem finals was quite easy... just finished it for only 30 minutes! tama si ma'am, matatapos namin agad. ang saya!
exempted ako sa finals sa accounting! kaya nga lang hindi ko na-ace yung third exam dun... got 10 mistakes. late kasi ako that day tapos medyo bangag pa... tsk tsk tsk.
hay... bakasyon for less than a month... and i saw one of my classmate/crush for the last time today... hay... gonna miss her... sad my boyfriend na sya... ok lang. wala pa naman akong balak. happy dahil medyo close kami... and i got her numbers... (*edited* baka mabuko ako!) ang babaw... pero masaya! ayos!

October 7, 2005

entropy, society and universe

spontaneous processes happen with very little or no driving force. the concept of entropy... that spontaneous processes tend to move towards greater disorder. and since most of the processes in the universe are spontaneous, therefore the universe is moving towards greater disorder. and to move from disorder to order, an ample amount of force must be applied - a nonspontanoues process.
isn't it weird? every day, we are applying so much force to keep things in order, to keep the world in some sort of organization.
for example - my room (maybe yours too). i hardly notice that every single day, my room gets a little disorganized. after a week, i see the difference - my table messy, items in disarray, papers unevenly stacked. why? spontaneous process. i did my thing for the whole week, and things got disorganized. not that i intend it to, but it did. spontaneous process. then i have to exert force to put things back into place. nonspontaneous process. got it?
same thing with the world. immense force is used to enforce the law that keeps things in place. imagine...
but why go against spontaneity? why, if things will eventually go to greater disorder?
i perceive that we have done much to achieve order and the much coveted peace. and i perceive too that that we've only done much to move the world into greater disorder... like the universe.
[the higher being, if there is, must have consummed immense power to create order. but where did disorder come from?]

October 6, 2005

alang magawa

... sa kwarto

sembreak na... at wala akong magawa. pero may exam pa ako sa oct 11 at may group report pang gagawin. hay, buhay... kaya'y heto, nakatambay lang sa bahay. nakakainis, di ko masimulang malinis at maayos ang aking kwarto dahil di pa 'officially' tapos ang sem ko. puro alikabok na ang likod ng PC ko. naninilaw na. ang mga sunday newspapers, magulong naka-stack under my drawer. hay, nagkalat ang manipis na kumot ng alikabok! ako lang naman ang gumugamit sa kwarto, puro alikabok pa rin! kung wag ko na lang kaya gamitin???
hindi! hay... may topak na naman ako. kawawa naman ang comfort zone ko...
... kaya nananaginip na lang
ang weirdo ng mga napapanaginipan ko... kwento ko yung ilan, baka may info kayo sa bagay na lumalabas sa tulog kong kaisipan.
1) [eto yung pinakabago] nasa isang sinehan ako, sa loob ng isang military base. class ko raw yun sa environmental science (what!). nanood kami ng movie about famous military medics, etc. nang matapos ang palabas, nagkaroon ng discussion then uwian na. kinusap ako at ang groupmates ko later ng aming lalaking propesor na taga-military at binigyan ng assignment. mag-research daw kami about HEART, DONGO, AND BONGOON (tao sila) - kung ano ang naging contribution nila sa combat military medical operation. tapos may numbers - 1.35 at 5:2. nailista ko pa sa whiteboard ko, pero nakalimutan ko na ang ibig sabihin. (then i woke up)
2) naglilibot ako sa phase 3A (phase namin sa subdivision) isang araw (pero may konting pagkakaiba sa lugar namin), nang biglang magkaroon ng putukan. marami sila... parang mga goons, armado ng M-16 armalite rifles. nasa may tindahan ako noon, ako yung pinupuntirya nung tatlo. ako naman, tumakbo para makailag, papunta sa gilid ng tindahan. sumilip ako sa kabilang side, nakita ko yung lider nila, may hostage. then biglang sumulpot from nowhere ang isang babae. di ko siya kilala, eventually nakilala ko rin. si "marg" (hindi tunay n pangalan) pala, classmate at groupmate ko sa socio 10. maiikli kasi buhok niya dito. then... (i woke up) [ang ending... may ending 'to, di ko nga lang maalala kung ano. naiwan sa subconscious ko]
3) [pinaka-freaky] agent ako sa military. i have this buddy at escort kami ng isang high-ranking official na may access sa isang 'top secret' na bagay or tao, only those authorized ang pwedeng makakita nun. naglalakad kami sa isang kalsada, nasa harapan namin ang van kung nasaan ang 'top secret'. biglang may umatake sa amin, bullets rained on us. we tried to retaliate. but the enemy is nowhere to be found. then we rushed into a cave, or an underground HQ. me and my buddy were interrogated kasi during the gunfight, we accidentally saw 'top secret'. dahil iyon ay highly classified, any unauthorized people who accessed, saw, or even touched it, even by accident, must die. alam namin yun, SOP kasi. then and there, sa interrogation room, we must die, killed. a headshot will kill us. ang buddy ko ang naunang pinutukan sa ulo, mas handa kasi sya. then ako... mukhang totoo nga sabi nila - when you die, memories of your life will flash back. and it did. umangulngol ang putok. i felt darkness. i felt no more. walang soul. walang reincarnation. end of my existence... [then i woke up. malakas ang pintig ng puso ko. hinihingal. parang totoo. buti nagising ako.]
ilan lang ito sa mga panaginip ko. marami pa. pero konti lang ang naaalala ko paggising ko. saka pag bigla akong ginigising, nakakalimutan ko, kahit alalang-alala ko ang mga detalye nung tulog ako. if i can only unlock what my subconscious contains...

September 29, 2005

basura at pag-alala

ngayon, gagawa ako ng artikulo para sa aking "blog" na gamit ang wikang Filipino lamang. di man akma, sa tingin ko'y ayos naman...
kaasar na mga patalastas
bakit kaya ganun? ang mga patalastas na naglipana ngayon... hindi na nakasentro sa mismong produkto, kundi sa sosyal na intekaksyon sa napapaloob sa paggamit ng produkto. ang pokus ay umiikot sa mga posibilidad na pwedeng mangyari sa paggamit, paghawak, o kahit pagtingin sa isang produkto. at dahil nakakahalina ang ganitong tema, nasisiil ang kritisismo sa diwa ng mga konsyumer at manonood.
isang nakakinis ay ang mapanlinlang na mga mensaheng nais iparating ng mga patalastas na ito. "the world is mine" ng toyota fortuner; "get the axe effect" ng axe; "it's everything" ng toyota vios. mga mensaheng walang katotohanan. kung hindi man, (sa tingin ko'y) walang koneksyon tulad ng "lupit ever" ng nescafe. ano yung malupit?! anong klase bang promosyon yan.
hay... mga walang kwentang puna mula sa isang walang kwentang manonood.
katapusan
sa makalawa, opisyal na magtatapos ang unang semstre para sa taong pang-akademiko '05-'06. BAKASYON! ang dami kong mami-miss. ang mag-aral, ang aklatang sobrang lamig (lagi), mga kaklase, guro, kaibigan, at syempre ang aking (mga) sinta (crush) na walang puknat na nagpapaganda ng aking araw. kaya't heto, matetengga na naman sa pinakamamahal kong kwarto at bahay...
mag-isa na naman ako... sana may kahit papano... may magtext...

September 24, 2005

snobbish goodbye

a snob thought
what a snob i am! i can 'automatically' turn into one after a friendly encounter with other peeps. shet! sometimes it's my fault. well, the least thing i could do is smile and make myself look approachable. but it doesn't always work.
even people i have made some sort of contact with seem to shy away from me (or maybe i shy away from them). there is still some sort of divide though we already communicated with each other. grrr... people.
but it's ok. i respect them so i hope they also respect my attitude. i know, people are different. you can't change them to someone you want them to be. ohh... my angst...
the end is near...
one week to go before bakasyon! hay, happy-kinda-sad ako ngayon. happy coz pahinga na naman nang mahaba, wala nang alalahanin, at maaayos ko na uli ang nagulo kong kwarto. sad dahil goodbye muna sa friends and classmates, la nang allowance, at wala munang masisilayang mgae crush (kainis!). well ang bilis talaga ng panahon... at ang dami pang dapat gawin!!!!

September 9, 2005

all this time...

happy birthday!
yeah, right. happy birthday to me! this day is not so extraordinary anymore. it just came and passed by. greeting consoled me. thanks to those who greeted, remembered, or even just thought about it for a second. they're deeply appreciated. hay. i think my remembering my birthday is just to add a jolt to my plain, normal life... anyway, i'm happy to be like this... single and all!
but i got a surprise! an unexpected "gift," given by 'circumstances'. i always see her there at the mess hall and always thought of being with her. hay... sorry, i can't elaborate more, she might read this... oh what a tease! hahaha!
tuning off, bothering myself...
it now annoys me to watch early evening "news," if that's what people call it, due to the fact that there is nothing new anymore in our political slimate. same themes, same motives, same situations, but different actors. yes, actors, well most of them. bureaucrats are hard to find nowadays.
what must i do? i can't just head on to the streets to shout my sentiments for an upheaval. no! but it bothers me every moment i think about our country. i just can't throw away my thoughts, no.
having a good life
AIT makes me happy, my acads are doing fine, i have enough money, and i enjoy my freakin' single life! but i haven't enjoyed its full potential though. i still need to expand my social horizon, liven up my nights, and shed my seclusion to my home... right. but i can't just expand my horizon. certain obstacles hinder me from going out to places. even though, i enjoy my current state. and i will patiently wait for change to happen.

August 2, 2005

horny

wala lang... another facet of my person overpowers me. my heart thumps louder. i can feel my body rise from the ashes of my corrupting soul. yes... more and more, i feel like a maniac. shit. i am devoured by the materialism of this world, and i let it be, for i feel powerless against it, rather i enjoy the sensation of being overpowered. i know the this facet will persist to control me, but not the surge i feel at the moment...
then it happens...
... i was powerless again. it felt like every drop of life in me was consumed. but i cherished the feeling. then, i must put things to rest...

July 26, 2005

depressed

well, it's just an ego thing, but i feel depressed. why? nyah... acad stuff... bullshit.
ok naman yung chem, mataas naman. pero i was expecting more. shit, i was too overconfident.
how FOOLISH, DUMB, MORON, IMBECILE, IDIOT ASSHOLE i was this afternoon during the tour110 exam!!!!!!!!! tang'na! i hate myself at this moment... for being different. ang sabi yellow pad, YELLOW PAD!!!!!!! anong ginamit ko.... WHITE... WHITE!!! bakit? gusto ko eh. kasi yun ang meron ako sa bahay. bakit kasi ang gago ko?! pakshet! so instead of passing my paper, ipinasuyo ko sa seatmate ko to pass it along with hers. agad akong lumabas ng room sa takot.... oo, natakot ako. iniisip ko na lang... a lone set of white papers in a bunch of yellow. shet! i am doomed! or am i just being paranoid? huh?
iba talaga maging iba...
nakakadepress... dumagdag pa si gloria... ang bansa at mga bagay-bagay.

July 7, 2005

so far...

buhay-buhay
ayos naman ang buhay sa AIT. konti pa lang ang college friends. ewan ko ba, nahihirapan akong makipag-socialize, di ko tuloy mapalawak ang connections ko. basta! i need to do something!
hay naku...
reports, reports. ganito pala dito. ok lang. galingan ko na lang. medyo nakaka-recover na rin ako mentally at physically (ung operasyon ko). hay.
nicole
hay, nicole. yan ang lagi kong nasasambit pagbaba ng jeep sa tapat ng petron, sa may panulukan ng katipunan at aurora. hay nicole. ganda niya at ng smile nya. buti na lang at nandun ang malaking pond's billboard nya. ang gandang pambungad ng skul day!
she's on the cover ng july ish of T3. sana makabili ako... kung nakabili lang kasi ako ng feb ish ng UNO... may maike na rin sana ako...

June 30, 2005

loving or being loved???

paano nga ba? siguro nga wala lang akong magawa sa panahong ito kaya napatulan ko itong topic na ito. hindi may nabasa lang ako... so kung di nyo trip ang walang kwenta kong isunulat, click 'back' and read other posts.

falling in love... walang 'idiot's guide' para dito. kanya-kanyang diskarte na lang kung paano 'magfa-fall'.

di basta-basta dumarating ang love. some circumstances bring love. pero kung wala ka ring gagawin, di mo yun makukuha. di magkakaroon ng consequence kung walang cause di ba?

walang standard na sinusunod ang love. may kanya-kanyang standards ang mga taong involved. huwag nyong gagayahin ang mga napapanood sa tv kung di nyo feel gawin or kung gusto nyong gawin para lang magmukhang 'sweet'.

tao lang ang nagpapahirap sa sarili nila, hindi love.

napakamanhid, di ba... kung relative ang love, ba't ko pa to sinulat para basahin. wala lang... basta mahalaga, masaya tayong lahat! adieu!

June 24, 2005

... after the long break

hay, long break. nito lang kasi ako bumili ulit ng internet card. almost 2 weeks din akong 'unhooked'. hay...
crash into me...
sayang, di pa rin nare-recover ang mga files sa nag-crash kong hard drive. buti may nakita akong shop sa shopping center na may paskil na: "data recovery 434-7888". yun nga lang di ko pa napupuntahan o tinatawagan. siguro sa lunes ko gagawin. sayang kasi yun panahong binuno ko sa aking photo collection... ang gaganda pa naman...
back to skul!
back as a tourism stud. so far, okay naman. downside, i have to start all over again - establish new relationships, adjust to a new atmosphere, study a new course. ang upside naman - cute girls! harharhar! saka mababait ang mga staff dun. ika nga nila noong freshies, shiftees, and transferees' orientation - AIT is one big family...

Preview June ish 10th anniv

astig! it's worth my money. i even think i got more than what i expected. the photoshoots are really amazing. bea, iza, alex, anne, mariel, bianca, olivia, maike, kat, and cheska. ang theme kasi is they're TVs young stars. just wondering ba't nasama si cheska dun, e sa xtra challenge lang siya lumabas. sana si toni na lang, or amanda, even nicole. hay... nicole... buti may billboard ka sa katips.

May 31, 2005

cRash!!!

hay naku!!! pu#$%^&n@!!! kung kelan magpa-pasukan saka nag-crash hard drive ko!! gastos na naman! naaawa naa ako sa mama ko kasi daming gastos... bumili ng 2 gulong para sa fx. Php 1,015.09 na bill sa telepono (ang normal na bill di lalampas ng 700. kasalanan ko, nag-vibe kasi ako. bwisit na tax!). Php 1,552.25 naman sa kuryente (init kasi this summer!). tapos ang bagong seagate hard drive... Php 3,000! oh hindi!!!!!!
ang masaklap... baka di na makuha ung files sa lumang drive! huhuhu... ang files nung high skul (ung thesis!), files ng kapatid ko, kay mama (lalo na ang thesis nya), files ngayong college, mga wallpapers, pictures, at ung mga files... waaaaaa!!!!! baka di na ma-retrieve!!! sana lang, ipagdarasal ko, na magawang makuha yun ni kuya joel (ang technician na galing pang morong)... huhuhu...
but, looking at the bright side, 40GB na HD ko... malinis na uli ung system ko... wala nang mga spyware at adware... pero... i miss my filesss!!!
after all, let thy will be done... (seryoso... ewan.)

May 24, 2005

no turning back

at last, i formalized my shift from physics to tourism. i have the pertinent documents, just need to submit them before i enroll. grabe, ang hirap maglakad (literally)!
went to edsa central afterwards to buy the flip-flops i spotted two weeks ago sa IFU shop. sadly, size 9 wasn't available anymore... damn! in fairness, affordable yung buys dun... iba na lang siguro bibilin ko dun, pagbalik ko...

May 20, 2005

such a happy time

i made it!
last wednesday, i've been blessed, so blessed. fate (oh no!) gave in to my plan. i was accepted in tourism!!! hahaha! another chance to study in UP. another chance to prove myself to myself (ha?!), i mean to reedem my shattered self-esteem. hay, this darn ego thing... everything is slowly falling back into their place.
but missed.
today, after some arrangements in school, i planned to buy this month's issue of Chalk. shucks! it's bianca! but i missed it. darn, i missed it... anyway, i'm blessed... ; )
internet to sawa!
thanks blast! such a reaaly great promo! 12mn-2pm, all i need... highly recommended!
happy times... thanks!

May 13, 2005

bianca. bianca. bianca.

last night, i had a fateful encounter with bianca, again. humph... saw her in wazzup wazzup. really cool. got that flair in hosting. oh, how dazed i am!
she's on chalk's cover, sadly, with christian bautista. it would be a lot better if she's solo. cute face, nice tan, hearty smile. hay, mushy thoughts...
that's why i try to watch 'breakfast supersize.' she makes my day!
and the fantasy goes on...

May 12, 2005

hopes and fears

my academic life is in the balance. i filed shifting applications for tourism, public administration, and sociology. and this afternoon, i had my interview in tourism. i hope that i will be accepted. no! i PRAY that i will be accepted. it's weird, pero, i slowly nourish my re-growing faith. still, i fear being out of the 'accepted' list. hay...
though i applied in three courses, i already laid my cards for tourism.
i'm afraid. i don't want to leave UP!

May 8, 2005

... of life and death

in death...
the other night, i was going to be killed. i had seen a forbidden sight. i was taken, together with two 'sentenced' people, in a cave by a team of operatives. we were briefed that we would be killed by headshot.
my lungs cramped. i was dazed.
the moment came. i was the first to go. i tried to hesistate, but it must be done. i sighed. it felt oh so real, kahit sa panaginip lang...
or life
last night, i happened to watch "homerun" sa ABCinema. story of 2 siblings and their family... what a film... naaalala ko yung closing lines (yung thought na lang naalala ko, kakaisip kasi kagabi) "with our old shoes, we don't notice our problems. but with our new ones, can we now see them?"
hay, buhay. i have a lot to thank for...

May 5, 2005

brrrr.....

shucks! i woke up early today, hehe, just to be online... free kasi pag offpeak hours. hay... so bored na ako sa bahay, worse, wala pang pera. tsk,tsk,tsk (di kasi nag-summer). hay, i miss school, especially the girls...
last night,'paranioa' struck me... again.

April 28, 2005

dumb, silly ass night (funny though)

last night, i was listening to the radio while lulling myself to sleep. after the 10 Biggies (sa RT 'to) the DJ wanted to cheer up a sad listener online. so he cranked others to send corny, dumb, silly ass jokes. here were some i could remember before losing to sleep...
Q: who's the sister of barbie doll? A: kitchie na-doll...
Q: why is 6 afraid of 7? A: because 7 ate 9!
Q: which animal is bulletproof? A: pa-ting
sadly (or luckily), i was soon drifting out of consciousness... off for a new day!

April 26, 2005

another boring day...

yes... it's like this every day. i try to motivate myself to do something, yet, my body lags. i sit by my computer, try to delight myself. just delight, no satisfaction. brr... it's hard to act lazy during vacation...

April 21, 2005

mabuhay!

hay, my new blog...
i hope i could get things started here. darn, ang gulo ng ng mundo! lalo na ng buhay ko. ewan ko ba, pero alam ko. naghahanap na nga ako ng malilipatan, sana di ako masibak sa skul. hay, lintek! pero masaya pa rin kahit ganito na ang nangyayari. sna may mangyari...

whew! that's really loooong..... cheers!

test 2

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